In an instant, I felt as if I were caught in a turbulent whirlpool, disoriented and overwhelmed by the salty water that invaded my senses. When I finally emerged, panic set in as I searched for my son. Just as my heart began to race in a frenzy of fear, his bright blue swim shirt broke the surface, reminiscent of an unusual marine creature. As he surfaced and splashed toward the shore, my heart pounded in my chest, convinced that he had been submerged for far too long. When I finally grabbed his small arm and pulled him close, I exclaimed, “Are you alright? That must have been terrifying!”
His face lit up with joy as he replied, “That was amazing!” A mix of relief and surprise washed over me. Even as I tried to hold him steady against the next wave, he pushed me away, clearly annoyed. “Don’t hold me, Mom!” he declared. In the past, whenever I reacted with concern, he would dismiss my fears with an exasperated, “I’m fine,” before dashing off to join his father. I soon realized that he thrived on the thrill of the waves, reveling in the brief moments of uncertainty that I found so distressing.
Later that evening, my partner shared a video he had captured of our beach day. I cringed at the sight of my anxious grip on my son during an entirely manageable wave, my face a mask of worry. I had hoped this was an isolated incident of maternal overprotectiveness, but a montage of anxious moments flooded my mind: Watching my son play on the front lawn bordering the street, scaling the unguarded treehouse, darting down the sidewalk on his scooter, and navigating perilously close to cliffs and seawalls – all activities that sent my heart into overdrive.
How had I transformed into this anxious parent? I grew up with minimal oversight, a latchkey kid who confidently walked home from school alone, navigated public transport in my teens, and traveled solo through Europe in my 20s. Yet here I was, fearful of allowing my son to enjoy the waves, climb high, or run fast.
This anxiety starkly contrasts my partner’s parenting style. His adventurous spirit has fostered a child who confidently tests his limits, assured of his safety. He was the one who taught our son to dive to the bottom of the pool, while I stood by, nervously envisioning the worst-case scenario. My partner is quick to encourage, responding to my hesitations with a simple, “Just do it.”
I often think of my own grandmother, whose son was injured during the 1947 conflict in Israel. This traumatic experience led her to seek another child, a “backup” in case tragedy struck again. While I don’t find myself in such dire circumstances, the reality of being a mother to an only child leaves me grappling with the thought of what I might do if the unthinkable happened. Perhaps my instinct to cling comes from some inherited fear embedded deep within my psyche.
Ultimately, our family vacation became a lesson in letting go – releasing my compulsion to constantly work, shedding the stress from the past months, abandoning strict routines, and most importantly, refraining from trying to shield my son from every potential harm.
Overprotectiveness may seem like a safe approach, but in reality, it can hinder a child’s ability to navigate their world. Instead of fostering safety, it can breed resentment in children who feel restricted from exploring their boundaries. Yes, there may be bumps and bruises along the way, but stepping back can cultivate resilience in a child who learns to recognize their own limits. A child who understands that even when they feel out of control and breathless, they can find their way back to safety. While I may not hold him too tightly, I will always be nearby, ready to catch him if necessary.
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Summary:
The journey of parenting can often lead to unexpected anxieties, particularly for those who have experienced a free-spirited upbringing. As a mother, the challenge lies in balancing protective instincts with the need to allow children to explore their boundaries. While fear may drive an overprotective nature, it is essential to recognize that allowing children to engage with their environment fosters resilience and independence.