This article is part of a three-part series on preparing teenagers for the significant milestone of leaving home for college. In our previous installments, we addressed essential conversations to have with your incoming freshman and explored strategies to help students flourish during their first year. Now, as August approaches, we focus on the logistical aspects of moving in and the emotional adjustments that come with it. This month embodies a mix of pride and sadness, emphasizing the duality of this life-changing event.
The arrival of our children nearly two decades ago dramatically altered our lives. Now, as they embark on a similar transition, it’s important to be gentle with ourselves; adjusting to this change will take time. The first transition was overwhelming, and it’s only natural to expect this one to evoke similar feelings.
As August rolls in, the countdown intensifies. Initially measured in months, then weeks, and finally days. A thought I often reminded myself as my son’s departure grew nearer was: “You can feel the pain now, or you can choose to feel it later.” In an interview, a journalist asked how I was coping with my son’s impending college journey, and I candidly admitted to feeling a sense of denial. While I knew that fretting over the inevitable changes would not benefit anyone, I preferred to avoid dwelling on the fact that our family dynamic would be irrevocably altered.
To assist in navigating move-in day and the subsequent separation, consider these three steps:
1. Organize Move-In Day
Review the move-in schedule on your child’s university website to identify any planned activities for students and parents. Attending these orientations, whether they span a full day or just a couple of hours, can help you feel more connected to your child’s new environment. Additionally, it’s prudent to check the dates for parents’ weekend. If your child’s college is not in a metropolitan area with ample accommodation options, it’s wise to book your lodging and meals soon.
Families typically arrive on campus a day or two early to familiarize themselves with the surroundings, while others prefer to show up just before or on the day of move-in. Some may allocate time for last-minute shopping for essentials that were forgotten. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach; my strategy was to keep it brief: unpack, say goodbye, and leave. Lingering felt like intruding on my child’s new chapter.
On move-in day, consider visiting the health center to have your child sign a medical release form. This will allow medical professionals to communicate with you if your child faces a health emergency, providing peace of mind during this transition.
2. Prepare for the Goodbye
You may feel most unnecessary right after setting up your child’s dorm room. After attending orientation and engaging with other parents, you’ll find yourself with little left to do but depart. Most universities provide designated moments for families to say their goodbyes, which serves as a clear deadline. Ignoring it may risk you becoming “That Parent.” As your child becomes preoccupied with classmates and orientation activities, plan to leave at the appropriate time.
Some parents opt to share a final meal with their freshman, but the departure is best handled swiftly, like removing a Band-Aid. Colleges are aware that if they don’t prompt us to leave, we might linger longer than necessary. Many parents admit to shedding tears on their way home, but it’s advisable to retain composure while still on campus, as our children are navigating heightened emotions during this significant transition.
Marshall P. Duke, a psychology professor with over 40 years of experience, encourages parents to recognize the importance of this moment. He advises parents to use this unique opportunity to impart meaningful messages that will resonate with their children as they embark on this new journey. Focus on imparting wisdom and values rather than trivial advice.
3. Establish Communication Strategies
To stay informed about campus life, consider subscribing to the school’s daily newsletter or accessing the parent section of their website for important dates like parents’ weekend, exams, and holiday breaks. Parent associations can offer insights into campus happenings without infringing on your child’s independence.
While conventional wisdom suggests giving your child space, it may be beneficial to check in more frequently early on. Freshmen often experience homesickness, and regular communication can provide reassurance that they are not alone during this transition. Just as you once watched them play at the park from a distance, allowing them the freedom to explore while being available when needed is crucial. College is another stage of letting go—of both childhood and your role as a parent.
In summary, moving a child to college is a complex blend of logistical planning and emotional readiness. By preparing for move-in day, saying meaningful goodbyes, and establishing effective communication, parents can help both themselves and their children navigate this significant life change with grace.
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