Let’s begin this discussion in the family minivan.
As a parent, I often find myself tuned into pop radio; my kids have a penchant for music performed mainly by former Disney stars. While I enjoy much of today’s pop, I can’t help but notice a gap: Where are the love songs crafted for couples in middle age?
Now, let’s set aside the fact that I’m 38 years old. Sure, my friends might argue that we’re still young, asserting that being in our 40s is like being in our late 20s—despite the fact that my knees crack when I try to dance and I find myself dozing off after a glass of wine.
Ladies, let’s face reality: The average life expectancy for American women stands at 81, which means we are indeed in middle age. Still skeptical? Answer this: Are you more excited about a romantic evening or your morning coffee?
With several decades behind us, there are perks to our stage in life. In a stable marriage, we have a deep understanding of one another. We know his aching back may limit certain nighttime escapades, and he understands that lingerie might be replaced by my favorite oversized T-shirt. Although our nights aren’t filled with youthful passion, we excel at knowing each other’s preferences—all while racing against the clock before a child or pet interrupts.
This is why I struggle to connect with those contemporary pop love songs. I mean, how can I relate to Selena Gomez singing about a stunning romance when I’ve witnessed her charm my kids as a wizard from a fictional school? Take her song “Love You Like a Love Song,” with its lyrics about youthful beauty and romance. My life resembles something quite different.
Here’s my take on it: “Love You Like a Grocery Run”
I forgot the milk,
So you came to my rescue,
While you’re at the store, grab some snacks too,
Yes, another box, so our kids are fed,
When lunchtime rolls around, you’re a lifesaver, indeed.
Dependable, cuddly, marital bliss,
When you get back, babe,
We’ll cuddle after Netflix—perhaps!
[Chorus]
I, I love you for fetching that gallon,
I, I love you for fetching that gallon,
I, I love you for fetching that gallon,
So I’ll rub your feet, feet, feet, feet, feet, feet.
Selena isn’t alone in producing tunes that miss the mark for us. If you’re a fan of Taylor Swift (who isn’t?), you’ll know her catchy “Blank Space,” a playful reflection on dating drama. However, relatable? Not for those of us balancing kids, pets, and houseplants; spontaneous weekend getaways are a distant memory.
Our lives have shifted from wild escapades to quiet evenings with books and naps. So, what song can we truly connect with? I present to you “Blank Stare”:
“Blank Stare”
I can’t find it. Where did it go?
Left my desire somewhere, just so.
Nightstand? Closet? My favorite bra?
I used to be eager, oh, how bizarre.
This isn’t me, yesterday I was carefree,
Now my sex drive is missing, you see.
New panties because I try,
Read about this in a magazine,
“How to Please an Aging Guy,”
And I know it’s about you and me.
So let’s stretch first,
Surely, it can’t get worse,
Than when we attempted that swing—
Couldn’t stand straight for most of that fling.
[Pre-Chorus]
This might last forever,
Or it’s just perimenopause.
Want to nap through it all,
Think some lube will help the cause.
Got a long list of wishes,
But not much in my loins,
And I know you crave some heat,
Down where I once rejoiced.
[Chorus]
‘Cause we’re older than we used to be,
We might pull a muscle, oh gee!
But I’m the queen to your king,
So let’s lock the door,
Got a long list of new woes,
Hormonal, not insane!
Explains this blank stare, baby,
Let’s give it another go?
Alternatively, one might enjoy Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On,” which opens with “I’ve been really tryin’, baby.” If that doesn’t encapsulate the middle-aged romantic experience, what does? However, keep trying because one advantage of intimacy in your 40s is that you don’t have to explain to a young partner what they’re doing wrong.
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In summary, love songs for middle-aged couples reflect a different reality—one filled with the challenges and joys of shared life, where romance is nuanced and sometimes requires a little creativity.