In today’s world, we’re often told that labels don’t matter. We’re all individuals—unique in our own ways, or so the narrative goes. The idea is to break free from labels and stereotypes, to forge our own identities. Yet, I find myself grappling with a term that I simply cannot embrace: “girlfriend.”
I’m in my mid-30s, while he’s in his mid-50s, creating an 18-year age gap. We’ve each experienced marriage before, and this isn’t our first relationship. We’re mature individuals who have chosen not to marry—at least not yet. However, when we refer to each other, the only terms available seem to be “girlfriend” and “boyfriend,” which feels rather odd. It’s led to some rather lengthy discussions between us.
Am I a teenager bound by curfews, or a college student cramming for finals? He certainly isn’t some young man trying to sneak a kiss in a car—he’s a mature adult with a motorcycle, which has its own charm. I’m a grown woman, and I wish for a more suitable label.
We’ve attempted alternatives. A few times when I called Mark my “partner,” people mistakenly assumed I was a lesbian. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it was an awkward misinterpretation, particularly when I had to clarify that Mark is indeed a man. It left me feeling rather strange. Then there’s “significant other,” which feels too formal and cold. “This is Mark, my significant other. Yes, I love him dearly—he’s, well, significant.” It just doesn’t resonate.
I’ve even let repairmen and nosy neighbors assume we’re married, despite our different last names and the absence of wedding rings. When the time comes, I fully expect him to propose—perhaps with a flair that would make me dance like Beyoncé.
Referring to him as my “gentleman friend” feels slightly inappropriate, especially in contexts like office holiday parties or parent-teacher meetings. He affectionately calls me “Sweetheart” from time to time (which makes me smile), but labeling him “Big Daddy” would elicit bewildered reactions from my mother and awkward questions from my kids, not to mention the raised eyebrows from his colleagues.
Ultimately, we often revert back to “girlfriend” and “boyfriend,” even though it makes me cringe. Our options seem limited: either adapt to this label or consider marriage. Since we are navigating our own timeline, tying the knot simply for a different label feels unnecessary.
Perhaps we could indeed get over it—until the next time he introduces me as his girlfriend, when I can’t promise there won’t be a dramatic exclamation. New labels are needed, not just for us but for everyone navigating the complexities of life, ex-partners, new relationships, and the choice not to marry.
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Summary
Navigating the complexities of modern relationships can be challenging, especially when traditional labels like “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” feel inadequate. This article explores the struggle of finding a suitable term for a mature relationship, highlighting the need for new labels that reflect the realities of life after marriage and the choices we make.