Whenever I encounter the phrase “given up” in relation to adoption, it strikes a chord within me, and I can’t help but cringe. My son, Leo, was not “given up.” In fact, I really dislike the term “given up” when discussing adoption and children.
You might give up coffee. You could decide to give up red meat. Perhaps you even give up an old car. But you don’t give up a child.
I’ve lost count of how many times people—sometimes even strangers—have inquired, “Why did his birth parents give Leo up?” My response is always the same: “They didn’t.”
There are countless reasons why someone may find themselves unable to parent. Some of these reasons are tragic, while others may come from a place of selfishness. However, the majority stem from selflessness. Birth parents often face the heart-wrenching decision to create a better future for their child. They take actions they believe are in their child’s best interest, regardless of the pain it brings them. The courage required for such a choice is nothing short of extraordinary. Most birth parents don’t simply “give them up,” especially in the context of international adoption, which can be fraught with its own complexities, tragedies, and even corruption.
While it’s unrealistic to think I can shield my son from every potentially hurtful experience, I will strive to do my best. I may not always be able to prevent him from feeling confusion, hurt, or anger, but I will work diligently to ensure he never has to ponder the question, “Why was I given up?” Because I know, without a doubt, that he wasn’t.
For more insights on similar topics, check out this related blog post here.
If you’re considering at-home insemination, I recommend visiting Make a Mom for reputable syringe kits. Additionally, for comprehensive information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit CDC’s pregnancy resource.
In summary, the language we use surrounding adoption matters deeply. Understanding the emotional weight behind phrases like “given up” can foster a more compassionate dialogue about the experiences of birth parents and adoptive families alike.
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