As a parent of two young boys, I have adapted my expectations regarding their personal style, which often means an abundance of Minecraft-themed shirts, superhero briefs, and skull-patterned socks. In the early days, I dressed my eldest in collared shirts and plaid shorts, appreciating the charm of a neatly dressed young gentleman. However, as he matured, his clothing choices shifted to reflect amusing cartoon characters and video games, a trend that his younger brother eagerly emulates. With that, I’ve accepted my diminished role as the fashion strategist. Perhaps I’ve just become complacent, as my earlier days of exploring the adorable outfits in baby stores have transitioned into hurried trips to Target where I grab essentials like milk and pajamas instead.
One aspect of my sons’ appearances where I still exert influence is their haircuts. From the moment my eldest was old enough to remain seated in a barber’s chair, I cherished the ritual of bringing them to the barbershop. I love the atmosphere—those classic barber chairs, the sound of the clippers buzzing, and the wall adorned with images of traditional haircuts that resemble a menu at a fast-food joint: “I’ll take a No. 4 on top and a No. 2 on the sides.” There’s a certain nostalgia in witnessing a line of young boys patiently awaiting their turn, evoking memories of a simpler time.
As the eldest of four girls who often endured homemade haircuts, I never frequented barbershops. They always seemed like a realm reserved for boys—those who could sport short haircuts without fear of judgment, who dressed for comfort and spoke plainly. I often envied the perceived freedom that came with being a boy. As I navigated the challenges of growing up, I fantasized about how liberating it would be to simply throw on a shirt and head out the door, channeling characters like Ferris Bueller or Marty McFly, confident in my coolness rather than my looks. While I may not be able to live this fantasy myself, I hoped to experience it through my sons.
I recognize that my boys will eventually want more control over their hairstyles, but for now, their disinterest in hairstyling gives me a few more years of influence. This thought was fresh in my mind when I took my 5-year-old to the barbershop recently. His hair had grown quickly, likely due to the summer heat, and I opted for a shorter style to minimize upkeep. “I’ll use a No. 1 on the sides instead of a No. 2. That will keep him until school starts,” the barber suggested.
Moments later, after the haircut was complete, my son’s distress became evident as he gazed into the mirror. “Too short!” he exclaimed, covering his head with his arms. I tried to reassure him, but his disappointment was palpable. “You look great!” I encouraged. However, he remained unconvinced, claiming he looked “bald.”
As I drove him home, he continued to lament his haircut, insisting he wanted to wear a hat to camp. His main fear was that he would be teased by peers and adults alike, and despite my attempts to rationalize the situation, I struggled to alleviate his anxiety. I found myself reflecting on my own childhood insecurities and how many times I worried about fitting in.
Over the next couple of days, he insisted on wearing a baseball cap, avoiding revealing his new hairstyle. I learned from his camp counselor that he kept his arms over his head in the pool, trying to hide his perceived baldness. It struck me that my assumptions about how carefree boys are could be misguided. My son, who is expressive and creative at home, exhibited the same concerns about social acceptance that I felt as a child.
Through this experience, I realized that my son’s feelings about his appearance are valid and that his interest in how he presents himself should be acknowledged. While I maintain certain boundaries regarding hairstyles, I recognize the importance of supporting his self-expression.
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In summary, the journey of parenting boys includes navigating their style choices and self-image. As they grow, it’s essential to balance guidance with their desires, recognizing that their perspectives on appearance are equally important.