Updated: October 10, 2023
Parenting is undeniably exhausting, but the fatigue I experience now is a different kind than when my child was younger. Raising a tween presents its own unique challenges that often leave me feeling drained in ways I hadn’t anticipated.
Unlike the relentless energy of a toddler, who demands constant attention and care, my daughter is on the brink of her teenage years. She is independent, capable of dressing and bathing herself, and the thought of her sneaking into my bed at night is unfathomable to her now. She can even prepare meals when needed. Yet, the fatigue I feel stems from much more than late-night pickups or early morning activities.
This tiredness is deeply rooted in emotional labor and the weight of serious concerns that are increasingly relevant for her age group. Conversations about sensitive topics like domestic violence, sexting, and substance use are now part of our reality, and these issues weigh heavily on my mind, especially knowing they exist within her social circles.
Unlike the simpler exhaustion of answering endless toddler queries, my current fatigue comes from worrying about what remains unsaid. I ponder the difficult questions I can’t easily answer, the social injustices she encounters, and the emotional pains that I can’t simply fix with a hug. Every parent desires to create a safe and nurturing environment for their children, but there comes a time when we realize we can’t shield them from all harm. Even when I restrain myself from intervening, the act of doing nothing can be surprisingly draining.
As she navigates her own emotional landscape, I find it challenging not to feel deeply for her experiences. I strive to maintain a sense of calm, but she often perceives my composure as a lack of understanding of her feelings. Reflecting on her 12th birthday brought a wave of urgency; realizing that I have only a few years left to guide her through adolescence was a sobering moment.
I recognize the importance of the time we have left before she fully embraces her independence. There are countless lessons I hope to impart, though I acknowledge that spending time with me may not be her top priority anymore. Moreover, the mistakes I’ve made in the past weigh on me, and I find myself wishing I could go back and amend them—all for her sake.
Despite the challenges, I consider myself fortunate. I am grateful for the opportunity to experience this complex and beautiful stage of her life. However, as I hear from friends, the teenage years often bring further exhaustion.
When I was pregnant, a mentor once told me, “You’ll never sleep the same way again.” Now, I fully understand the truth of that statement. The adage about the bigger the children, the bigger the problems seems accurate, and I hope that someday my worries will lessen, although I suspect they might not. As Toni Morrison aptly noted, “Grown don’t mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What’s that supposed to mean?”
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In summary, parenting a tween is a unique journey filled with emotional fatigue, challenges, and moments of reflection. Embracing both the joys and struggles allows us to better support our children as they grow.