At 38 years old, I’ve finally come to understand my preferences in friendships. You might assume I’d have figured this out during my high school years, but that wasn’t the case. I hardly knew myself back then, let alone who I wanted in my life. During my teenage years, I often felt like an afterthought, the “and” in phrases like “you should come to my party, and she can come too.” Though others have reassured me that this perception wasn’t accurate, it was my reality in social situations.
College introduced me to a diverse array of friendships. My first roommate, an alterna-girl with a penchant for loud Tori Amos tracks and spontaneous haircuts, wasn’t exactly my type, but I appreciated her music taste. I also tried mingling with sorority girls, but the idea of paying for friendship didn’t sit right with me, especially with so many vibrant experiences waiting in New Orleans. I spent time with stunning women who lacked self-confidence, and while I cared for them, I never quite fit in. Graduation meant leaving that chapter behind.
Moving to Boston marked a pivotal moment in my life. There, I met a strong woman who taught me the importance of valuing my intellect in social interactions and guided me away from unsuitable relationships. Unfortunately, our paths diverged when I relocated to Connecticut, and our friendship couldn’t withstand the distance. I realized I was asking too much while giving too little, and once she embraced motherhood, we struggled to redefine our connection.
Everything changed when I became a mother. Picking up my daughter from preschool led me to a remarkable woman named Rachel. She was pregnant with her second child, in the midst of a move, and radiated a fierce energy. Despite my initial trepidation, I felt drawn to her as she growled something in my direction and walked away with her daughter.
Our interactions began with small talk at preschool pickups and birthday parties. We exchanged witty comments, and the moment she laughed heartily at one of my jokes, I knew I had discovered the friend I had longed for. Rachel’s authenticity, her formidable spirit, and her incredible ability to read people set her apart.
While many people maintain lifelong friendships, my adult life—especially as a mother—has made my time precious. Finding Rachel helped me define the qualities I value in friendships and the kind of woman I aspire to be. Since our connection blossomed, I have surrounded myself with a circle of strong, opinionated, and intelligent women, leading to a level of happiness I’ve never experienced before.
Rachel may not be everyone’s ideal friend, and that’s perfectly okay. I’m an enthusiastic hugger, while she prefers to reserve her hugs for select individuals. I tend to embrace spontaneity, whereas she is a planner. Yet, our differences create a dynamic partnership. I know that if I forget juice for my kids at the park, she’ll have extras handy. Conversely, when Rachel feels overwhelmed, I can help her unwind with a glass of wine and laughter.
Most importantly, my friendship with Rachel has led me to discover my true self. I’ve become fiercely confident in both my career and motherhood. I’m writing more than I ever have, and I’m evolving into the best version of myself.
High school friendships left me feeling insecure, college friendships added confusion, and my twenties were filled with carefree fun. Now, as a mother, my friendships with fellow moms are essential in navigating the challenging yet rewarding journey of parenting. Motherhood can be isolating at times, but with Rachel by my side, I know I have a steadfast partner who always has an extra juice (or glass of wine) in her bag. For further insights on navigating motherhood, check out this blog on home insemination and resources from CCRM IVF.
In summary, building meaningful friendships as an adult can be challenging, but finding the right connections can lead to personal growth and fulfillment. Rachel exemplifies the kind of friend that uplifts and inspires, allowing me to embrace my true self amidst the complexities of motherhood.