Are you considering the path of helicopter parenting, where your children remain dependent on you throughout their lives? If you aim to ensure your children rely on you indefinitely, I present to you a straightforward guide to achieve this goal.
Step 1: Control Every Aspect of Their Lives
Never allow your children to handle tasks independently. Continually assist them with simple activities like tying shoes or pouring milk. After all, it’s your duty to manage things for them indefinitely.
Step 2: Insert Yourself in Their Experiences
Make it a point to be involved in every social interaction. If things don’t go as planned for your child, take charge immediately. For example, if they face challenges in college, feel free to reach out to their professors to negotiate grades on their behalf. This is perfectly normal, right?
Step 3: Grant Their Every Wish
Your children deserve the best of everything. Always ensure that they receive whatever they desire—after all, they are the culmination of your efforts. Just think of the lessons from classic characters like Veruca Salt.
Step 4: Shield Them from Failure
Failure offers no educational value, so why let your children experience it? If it looks like they may struggle, do the task for them. Whether it’s cleaning their room or managing social relationships, stepping in will surely earn their gratitude.
Step 5: Embrace the Delusional
A touch of delusion can be helpful, especially if you find yourself still caring for your ten-year-old in the most intimate of ways.
Step 6: Critique Other Parents
View those who encourage independence in their children as excessively harsh. Remember, your child should remain dependent on you for as long as possible, allowing you to revel in your role as their primary caregiver.
Step 7: Build a Network of Like-Minded Parents
Surround yourself with other parents who share your views. They will provide support against societal pressures urging your children to become self-sufficient.
Step 8: Feel Guilt Over Their Discomforts
Your child should never endure discomfort or hardship. Any moment of struggle or loneliness is unacceptable. shudder
Step 9: Provide Constant Stimulation
Ensure your child is perpetually engaged. Regular interaction and stimulation are crucial to prevent them from becoming complacent, perhaps even retreating to a life of gaming in your basement.
Step 10: Prepare Financially for Their Future
Invest wisely. You will need financial resources when your child inevitably seeks assistance at age 35, such as enrollment in a Failure to Launch camp, which is a genuine concern.
In summary, these steps can guide you in becoming a helicopter parent effectively. By following this approach, you can ensure that your child remains dependent on you well into adulthood. For further insights related to pregnancy and home insemination, consider checking out resources such as Womens Health or Make A Mom. Additionally, feel free to explore Intracervical Insemination for related content.