In the realm of parenting discussions—be it on Facebook groups, online forums, or email threads—there exists a common thread that unites participants. It’s not the perennial inquiries about pediatricians, the alarming articles regarding vaccinations, or the repetitive questions from mothers concerned about their child’s runny nose. (For the record, it’s normal and likely to persist for years, so get those tissues ready.) The issue at hand is the overwhelming frequency with which the term “Mama” is used: Hey Mamas! Hi Mamas! New Mama here! Mamas, I need your help! Mamas, I’ve got a question. Mamas, please, enough with the vaccine links! Thanks, Mamas. What would I do without you, Mamas? Mamas—big news: My baby said Mama today! Mamas, seriously—no more vaccine discussions required.
It’s not that I inherently dislike the word. In fact, it felt enchanting when a free-spirited individual first whispered it to me at a concert. I was moved to tears when my children uttered it for the first time, their voices clumsily forming the word. Initially, I embraced the title when other mothers referred to me as “Mama.” I take pride in my role as a mother and cherish the connections I’ve made in both virtual and real-life communities. Yet, gradually, the term “mama” morphed into something burdensome.
While it serves as a convenient label for a collective group of women discussing motherhood, the incessant use of “mama” has spread beyond the digital world. I find myself addressed as “Mama” constantly—by the pediatrician examining my sick child, the cashier at the grocery store, and even the enthusiastic fitness instructor who shouts, “All the mamas in the room!”
This incessant “mama-ification” diminishes our individuality, lumping us into a singular category and overlooking the myriad of roles that define us. I am a mother. I am also a partner, a daughter, a writer, a yoga instructor, a feminist, a sports enthusiast, and so much more. Society often insists that motherhood is our defining trait, overshadowing other significant aspects of our identities. Whether one is pursuing higher education, managing a business, or simply getting dressed in the morning, the focus seems to rest solely on our role as mothers. It’s crucial that we are recognized for the entirety of who we are, not merely as “Mama.”
Every time my husband and I go out without our children, someone inevitably asks who is taking care of them, as if their well-being is entirely my responsibility. My husband is never referred to as “Papa” in public or online, nor is he reduced to a title solely reflecting our children. I desire for all my dimensions to be recognized and celebrated. I am more than just “Mama,” and I know many other mothers feel the same way.
Only my children are permitted to call me “Mama.” The rest of the world should find a different term. And no, “Mommy” is not an acceptable alternative.
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In summary, while the affectionate term “Mama” holds significance in our lives, it can also reduce our multifaceted identities to a single label. It’s essential to recognize and celebrate the diverse roles that mothers play beyond just motherhood.