Carpool lanes provide ample opportunity for contemplation. From pondering dinner options to questioning if those yoga pants have overstayed their welcome, the mind can wander into less pleasant territories. One such thought is what would happen if tragedy struck, leaving my husband to navigate parenting alone. While I trust he would manage, I can’t help but worry about the finer points of daily life that I handle. Who will enlighten our children about the intricacies of lip liner or the art of stretching yoga pants for six days? And what about household upkeep? Who will remember to change the air fresheners or ignore that ever-expanding weed patch in the garden? It’s unsettling to think my husband may not fully grasp the extent of my contributions.
To ease his burden (and perhaps assist other partners who might find themselves in similar situations), I’ve compiled a set of ten requests I’d like him to follow in the unfortunate event of my untimely demise. These requests might not hold legal weight, but I trust my friends and my mother-in-law to see they are honored.
Dear Mark,
- Ensure our children eat three meals daily. Utilize any means necessary—bribes with treats or even the threat of being grounded. Our kids can be quite clever; once, I found a sausage hidden in Lily’s shoe. The plants may suffer from what they’ve consumed. Remember, mustard packets and soda do not count as meals.
- Brushing teeth is mandatory. Twice daily, with toothpaste. Check their breath and feel the toothbrush. I refuse to send our children off to college with dental issues.
- Regarding hygiene, baths should occur every other day. Soap is non-negotiable. If necessary, take them to the pool and lather them up with soap.
- Hair maintenance is crucial. I recall a time spent with my grandparents where my mother had to cut out a rat’s nest from my hair. Regular checks for lice and small creatures are important.
- If a child announces they need to use the bathroom, take them seriously.
- To replace the toilet paper roll, squeeze the ends and pull the spindle toward you.
- Limit screen time. While I prefer educational programming, I understand your views on children’s shows. Just avoid those ghost hunting shows you enjoy, or you may find them seeking refuge beside you for years to come.
- Prioritize naps. They take precedence over everything—even doctors’ appointments. Encourage them to rest, even during a tornado. Remember, lack of rest can lead to all sorts of issues.
- Bills must be paid. Timely payment is essential to avoid damaging my otherwise stellar credit. Let’s avoid a situation where the electricity is shut off, forcing our children to forage in the dark.
- Lastly, let’s discuss my final wishes. I’ve expressed my desire for a proper farewell before. I hope you were joking when you suggested a river burial. I expect a well-crafted slideshow with music, my initials on napkins, and perhaps even a celebrity appearance. I wouldn’t mind if Chris Hemsworth could make an appearance to share a few words.
And remember, at some point, you may find yourself connecting with another woman. Know that I will be watching. You’ll feel my presence, judging your choices. But please, don’t let that hold you back from finding happiness again.
With love,
Me
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Summary:
This article highlights ten essential requests a wife wishes her husband would follow if she were to pass away unexpectedly. It covers vital aspects of parenting, household management, and personal wishes for her memorial. By addressing these points, the author expresses her love and concern for her family’s well-being and encourages her husband to maintain their household effectively.