I dedicate this piece to my dear friends, Mia and Ben. Mia, the inspiring voice behind Intrepid Mama, has graciously offered me a platform to share my thoughts, and her unique approach to parenting is the inspiration for this post. Ben, my grandfather, was one of the most meticulous individuals I’ve ever known. I often wonder if my own children, or perhaps their children, will think the same about me someday.
Take, for instance, a memory from my days as a medical student in New York City. One early morning at 4 a.m., the phone rang, waking me and my roommates. It was Ben, checking in to ensure I was safe. He had been listening to the news and heard about a ferry accident nearby, prompting his concern. As I reflect on those moments, I realize that having kids brings a whirlwind of anxieties. The world can be a daunting place, both for them and for those of us watching over them.
Now that my children are grown and beginning to carve out their own paths, I recently decided to ask them about any memorable parenting moments from their childhood. I probably should have thought twice before opening that can of worms! Their responses were a delightful mix of laughter and playful teasing, giving rise to what they affectionately dubbed, “The Rotbart Rules of Order.”
1. The “5 Chip Limit” Rule
I’ll start with this one, as it might be the most amusing in retrospect. At Mexican restaurants or taco nights, my kids were limited to just five tortilla chips before the main meal. I know, I know—seems a bit excessive now. But those chips can fill you up, and I wanted to ensure they had room for their burritos! Looking back, maybe I could have bumped it up to ten.
2. The “4-Minute Hot Tub” Rule
Did you know that extended exposure to heat can impact male fertility? I was just looking out for future grandkids! While friends of our sons let their boys lounge in the hot tub for ages, ours were taught to pop in and out every four minutes to keep things cool. And yes, our daughter had to follow the same rule, because fairness matters!
3. The “Laptops Don’t Belong on Your Lap” Rule
This one stems from the understanding that prolonged heat exposure can cause issues. I had read about potential risks associated with laptops resting on laps, so our kids were encouraged to use them on desks instead.
4. The “3-Foot Monitor” Rule
Growing up, we were often told to sit back from the TV. So, I made sure our children’s computer monitors were set up at least three feet away to protect their eyes—or so I hoped!
5. The “Cell Phone Headset” Rule
I didn’t realize until recently that my kids would email each other with snarky remarks whenever I sent them articles about the potential risks of cell phone use. My stance? “No headset, no phone use!” was a recurring theme in my communications.
6. The “Wires Are Safer Than Wireless” Rule
While everyone else embraced the convenience of wireless connections, we opted for hardwired setups to reduce radiation exposure. I felt like a lone wolf in a world of wireless!
7. The “Volvo” Rule
Our kids drove used Volvos, which I believed to be safe. I would joke that even if we could afford it, we weren’t getting them Humvees!
8. The “8 Hours Sleep or No Driving” Rule
Sleep deprivation can impair driving as much as alcohol. My kids knew if they didn’t get at least eight hours, they weren’t getting behind the wheel.
9. The “Leave Early” Rule
Aiming to prevent speeding, I enforced that we leave for school 40 minutes ahead of time. Sure, it led to some eye-rolls from the teens, but safety was my priority.
10. The “Family Dinner” Rule
Dinners together were non-negotiable—unless impossible. This often created awkward moments for our kids when they had to choose between friends and family.
11. The “Weed Killer” Rule
My wife often shakes her head at this one. I’ve avoided chemical weed killers, convinced they could harm children’s DNA. Thus, we pulled weeds by hand or mowed the lawn often!
12. The “2 ½ Hour Airport Rule”
Long before security measures became stringent, we arrived at the airport two hours early. Post-9/11, we adjusted to 2 ½ hours. Once, that saved us when a security breach caused mayhem, allowing us to make our flight while others missed theirs.
The list goes on, and while my kids may have rolled their eyes back then, I’ve learned that some of those rules stuck with them. Occasionally, friends of our children would even ask, WWHD—What Would Harley Do? It’s amusing to think that our strictness might have inspired their friends’ parents to reach out for advice!
Deep down, I hope my children still adhere to a few of the principles I instilled in them, like managing screen time and ensuring proper sleep. I look forward to seeing how they parent their own children one day, perhaps passing along some of the Rotbart wisdom—especially if there’s ever a ferry incident!
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In summary, my parenting rules were born from a place of love and concern, shaped by my own experiences and fears. While they may seem over the top to some, they reflect my deep commitment to my kids’ well-being.
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