When fellow parents confide in me about their struggle with a selective eater, I often have to suppress a chuckle. They haven’t experienced pickiness until they’ve encountered my child.
I recall a wedding we attended when my son was just two years old. In my youthful optimism, I neglected to bring food along. I assumed he would find something edible at the venue. I was mistaken. The breadsticks had an excessive amount of sesame seeds, the pizza was drenched in sauce and oddly shaped, and the strawberries did not resemble the ones we had at home (what does that even mean?).
The bride, bless her heart, sought help from the caterers to find food suitable for my son. “I have the perfect option for him,” the chef declared excitedly. “Macaroni and cheese! Every child loves that.”
Well, not my child. He is, apparently, the only kid in the universe who turns his nose up at mac and cheese.
But no, he’s not alone. If I think my child is picky, I must acknowledge how fortunate I am. There are children who will only consume three foods. My son has a broader palate, enjoying around 14 items, including broccoli (but only if I prepare it just so at home). It’s a spectrum, and the truth is, nearly every child exhibits some degree of pickiness. I haven’t met a single child who doesn’t complicate mealtime in some way, whether it’s through their specific preferences, cooking methods, or timing.
So, what does this mean? It suggests that what we label as pickiness is actually quite normal.
I understand how frustrating it can be to create countless meals tailored to your child’s preferences, or to ensure that everything is cooked, sliced, and presented just right. I’m not advocating for you to go out of your way to accommodate every whim. Setting appropriate boundaries and providing structure around meals is essential. However, perhaps we can ease up a bit, recognize that our children are simply being children, and accept that mealtime will remain a challenge for a few more years.
I won’t offer you advice—because you know your child best. You will find the right balance between honoring their preferences and your own, learning to adapt, and sometimes letting it go. While I don’t have all the answers, here are a few insights I’ve gathered about children and their eating habits that might help you navigate this journey with a bit more ease.
1. Kids have small stomachs
(approximately the size of their little fists), so it’s normal for them to eat in small portions. On numerous occasions, I’ve wanted to pull my hair out when my kids ask for food just an hour after dinner. However, once I stopped expecting rigid mealtimes and allowed my children to be the natural grazers they are, my life became significantly more manageable.
2. Picky eating can persist for a decade or longer.
Yes, you read that correctly. My 8-year-old (the same toddler from the wedding) is still pickier than most kids his age, although he has recently started to branch out. For instance, he occasionally tolerates imperfect pizza, even going so far as to remove the “green things” (i.e., oregano and basil) and eat the offending slice. There’s hope, parents.
3. Kids possess thousands of taste buds
—more than adults do. As we age, we lose some of those taste buds. Think about a flavor you enjoy and imagine it being twice as potent. It’s no wonder many children shy away from bitter vegetables, spicy dishes, or anything with a hint of strong flavor. Some children may even experience sensory issues that make eating a challenge, leading to overwhelming sensations with various tastes and textures. So, give your little ones some grace, alright?
4. Most picky eaters are healthy
and manage to get the nutrients they require, even if they only consume vegetables infrequently or through a vitamin supplement.
I see countless articles on how to “fix” picky eaters: eliminate snacks, enforce strict mealtimes, and insist on trying new foods. If these methods work for your family, great! Personally, I found that when I stopped trying to “fix” my child’s eating habits and began accepting them as a temporary, albeit annoying, phase of parenting, both my kids and I found greater happiness around mealtime.
Happy children? Happy parents? It’s worth it.
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In summary, dealing with selective eaters is common among parents. Understanding their unique needs and accepting the journey can lead to a more enjoyable mealtime experience for everyone involved.