Dear Tween Daughters,
Navigating life with you all has felt like a wild roller coaster ride recently. To be honest, your moods are keeping me on my toes. One moment, my heart fills with joy as you take my hand while we head into the grocery store, and the next, it feels like a punch to the gut when you push my arm away. Sometimes, I see you snuggling close on the couch, sharing the details of your day, and then, without warning, you’re sprinting out the door with your friends, looking like a group of young women ready for a night out.
I’ve come to realize that not all the stereotypes about tween girls are accurate. While there are challenges, it’s not all doom and gloom. I certainly didn’t expect the tears when I simply asked you to change outfits for dinner, or the dramatic eye rolls that follow requests to tidy up your room. And let’s not even get started on the way “fine” has taken on a whole new tone, one that more closely resembles a silent protest.
Trust me, I understand. I was once a tween girl too, back when they didn’t even use the term “tween.” I remember longing to be treated like an adult while still wanting my mom’s nurturing care. I truly get it.
However, we cannot continue down this path. With three of you, the likelihood of at least one of you being “in a mood” is much greater than any single mother can handle. I’m just human.
Recognizing that puberty is barreling toward you like a freight train while I’m likely facing my own changes, I think it’s essential to set some expectations for the coming years so we all emerge intact.
Expectations for the Coming Years
First, you must accept that I will embarrass you. Whether it’s breaking out the Running Man at a school event or sporting my ’70s Afro wig on Halloween, I will find ways to make you cringe. I will sing the lyrics from those Teen Beach movies you’ve forced me to endure in the car with your friends, and I’ll be taking first-day-of-school photos until you earn your doctorate. You can either embrace it or try to hide from it, but it’s inevitable. You come from a lineage of truly embarrassing parents, and I assure you, you will survive.
We need to have open discussions about uncomfortable topics. Even if you don’t ask, I know you’re curious about love, relationships, and the changes your bodies are undergoing. It may be awkward, but we will work through it together. I want you to have the right information to make informed decisions. It takes courage to explore new experiences, and even more to recognize when you’re not prepared for something. I need you to be brave.
I will not dismiss your feelings. While it may be challenging for me to understand why asking you to shower could lead to an emotional outburst, I acknowledge that your feelings are valid. I will strive to take you seriously, no matter how absurd I might find your responses. I will listen more and share my opinions less, choosing my battles carefully so when I do speak up, it matters.
In our home, privacy regarding digital matters is something that you must earn. While you all possess good judgment, the online world, cell phones, and even television can pose significant risks. We must navigate these waters together.
I understand you require personal space. It’s tough for me to accept that I am no longer the center of your universe, but I recognize that you need time to explore your independence. I’ll do my best not to take your newfound autonomy personally—just please, no door slamming, and we’ll be just fine.
I will try not to interfere too much in your friendships. It’s wonderful to see you putting yourself out there, but when you experience pain, I feel it too. The instinct to protect you is strong, but I understand that you need to learn how to handle your own issues. I’ll always be here for you, even if I have to let you face some difficulties on your own.
You may not always appreciate me. It can be hard when you feel you’re not granted the same freedoms as your peers. While it may seem unfair, it’s also difficult to be the parent who has to say no when others are saying yes. As a tween, you are playing checkers with your life, making impulsive moves, while I’m playing chess, aware that every decision can influence your future. You might not see it now, but I hope that with time, you’ll come to respect my choices.
I will always believe the best in you, as we all deserve grace during this tumultuous time in our lives, and remember, you’re not the only one experiencing hormonal changes.
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In summary, our journey through these tween years may be challenging, but together, we will navigate the ups and downs. I am committed to supporting you as you grow and learn.