To the man who made me a mother, Happy Father’s Day.
It’s been over a month since you last saw the kids, and I’m unsure if today will change anything. It seems fitting that it could, as this is “your day.” You are their father.
Yet, you continue to miss so much, and your presence as a dad is sadly lacking. This message isn’t meant to make you feel guilty. It’s not about glorifying being there for our children. Rather, it’s a moment to acknowledge your role in their lives, even if that role has shifted.
Days like today bring a wave of sadness as I reflect on our situation. I see the distance between us and realize that no matter how much love your children and I offer, it may never be enough to bring you back. The truth is, despite everything you’ve missed, they still yearn for you.
Although a month has passed since they last saw you, they still believe you are their whole world. When you canceled last weekend, their little hearts broke. They looked at me with trusting eyes and asked, “Is daddy still not feeling well?” I had to choke back tears as I responded, “Yes, sweet ones, daddy’s still sick. I’m sorry.”
You chose not to answer my call. You said you couldn’t handle explaining to them why they couldn’t see you, yet again. That responsibility fell to me.
While it breaks my heart to watch their excitement when you promise a visit that doesn’t happen, I’m grateful they can still love you deeply. Right now, they love you as I once did—unconditionally and without reservations. It’s a pure, intense love, and you haven’t had to earn it. This is what being a father means; it’s a love that is both fierce and fragile.
Recently, I came across a video from two Father’s Days ago. You were playing with the kids in the living room, laughter filling the air. You were sober and vibrant. They were overjoyed, wanting nothing more than to be in your embrace. In that moment, we felt like a complete family, the one I had always envisioned.
I can’t know what you were thinking then, but on that day, you were the father our children deserved. Today, that’s not the case, and it’s heartbreaking.
My heart doesn’t ache for myself anymore; I’ve found the strength to let go. But your children? They haven’t been able to do the same. They still cling to the hope that you will return, even if it’s only partially.
You will always be their father, regardless of your path, whether you continue down a destructive road or decide to reclaim your life. However, being their dad is a choice only you can make.
I’m grateful that, despite your absence, our boys have strong male role models in their lives, such as my father and brothers. Still, there remains a void—a daddy-shaped hole in their hearts that they feel even at such a young age. That space was meant for you.
Watching the life you lead brings me sadness, not just for our boys, but for you as well. Over time, I’ve realized that I’m often more heartbroken for you than you are for yourself. Change may only come when your own heart breaks.
In the meantime, it’s your sons who bear the pain. They have a father but no dad. They look to me for answers about why they rarely see you and why you’re always absent.
I wonder if you will ever grasp the significance of your role. Your own father failed to understand his, and now you’re missing yours.
Here’s my promise to you: I will always uphold your significance in our sons’ lives. I will never speak ill of you to them or diminish your place in their hearts. You are doing that on your own, and eventually, you may fade from their memories as you have from their lives.
Regardless of your actions, you are their father, and Father’s Day is a time to recognize that.
So today, the boys and I will select a card for you. They might even draw you a picture. We’ll either send it through the mail or let them give it to you directly. They will move on, as children do, but I will feel that loss deeply—not for myself, but for you and our sons.
Despite your choices and the hurt they bring, I want to say thank you. Because of you, I have the privilege of being a mother. Your absence allows me to be there for every precious moment.
So today, I celebrate you—not as the father you’ve been recently, but for making me their mother. I hope one day you realize what you’re missing, and that you find your way back, not just as their father, but as their dad.
Until then, thank you, and Happy Father’s Day.
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Summary
This heartfelt message reflects on the complex emotions surrounding Father’s Day when a father is absent from his children’s lives. It emphasizes the love the children still hold for their father despite his struggles, while also acknowledging the pain of their absence. The author vows to uphold the father’s significance in their lives, celebrating the gift of motherhood while expressing hope for the father’s potential return.