No parent enjoys the unsettling moment when a teacher says, “Can I speak with you for a moment… in private?” As I follow Ms. Thompson out of the preschool room, my heart races. Other parents walk by with their little ones, blissfully unaware of the storm brewing in my mind.
“There was an incident today involving biting,” she states, her expression revealing that my daughter, Lily, is the one who bit another child. I stand there, momentarily speechless, grappling with the reality that my youngest child is the first of my brood to engage in such behavior. It dawns on me that my feelings extend beyond mere embarrassment; they are intertwined with a deep, gnawing shame.
How did I end up as the parent of a biter? What have I done wrong?
Parenting can sometimes feel like a roller coaster where one moment you think you’ve got everything under control, and the next, you’re faced with the unthinkable. For preschoolers, biting is often seen as one of the worst offenses, right up there with eating snacks off the floor. It’s easy to forget that my daughter, who is usually sweet, knows her manners, and shares well, is now labeled as “The Biter”—and I’m “The Biter’s Mom.”
When a child bites, it feels like a monumental failure in parenting. We often take our children’s actions as a reflection of our own worth as parents; one slip-up—a forgotten “thank you” or an unkind word—can lead us to question our abilities. Despite my experience, I know that when kids act out, it usually means they’re struggling with their emotions or testing limits. Toddlers are navigating a world filled with complex feelings, and sometimes, frustration manifests as a bite.
Rationally, I understand that biting is a common behavior for toddlers under three, as highlighted by the American Psychological Association. But knowing this doesn’t lessen the shame I feel, nor does it ease the discomfort of the other child’s parent.
Societal expectations weigh heavily on us. We want our kids to behave like miniature adults, not wild beasts, and biting seems to shatter that image. After gathering my composure, I apologize to Ms. Thompson, trying to convey that I am a dedicated parent who encourages communication. I want to defend my daughter and myself, so I ask how the incident unfolded.
She explains that while lining up, a child accidentally pushed Lily, causing her to stumble and, in response to feeling provoked, she bit. Though there’s a context to her actions, it doesn’t excuse the behavior or alleviate my feelings of shame.
When I return to the classroom, I find Lily engrossed in building a tower of blocks. She looks up and excitedly exclaims, “Mama! I was sad today!” I gently reassure her, “I know, sweetie.” While I feel guilty about her actions, I remind myself that it’s crucial not to pass my shame onto her. She’s just a little girl, figuring out her emotions in a complicated world. My role is to guide her with love and support as she learns the right ways to express herself.
Now, I have to make an apology call to the other child’s mom. A little understanding from another parent can go a long way in helping us all feel a bit better about our parenting journeys. For more insights into navigating parenthood, check out this post at Modern Family Blog. If you’re looking for resources on home insemination, Make A Mom offers reliable insemination kits. And for those expecting, March of Dimes is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination tips.
In summary, parenting is a journey filled with challenges and moments of self-doubt. Biting incidents may feel like a reflection of our inadequacies, but they are often just a part of growing up. As we navigate these hurdles, supporting our children with understanding and kindness is essential.
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