Parenting can be incredibly challenging, yet it also brings unparalleled joy. It’s often a mix of both emotions occurring simultaneously. Just this morning, I found myself exhausted and dreading the usual routine. My son, Liam, and I have a morning ritual we enjoy, which involves drawing or playing a game together on the couch after he wakes up. I was also not prepared for my daughter, Mia, to be cranky due to lack of sleep, or for my youngest, Oliver, to throw a tantrum if I cut his French toast incorrectly—something I inevitably did. As a result, the morning felt overwhelming.
However, even in the chaos, moments of sheer wonder emerge. In the bathroom, Mia was brushing Liam’s hair while I was in the kitchen reviewing emails on my phone, keeping an eye on Oliver as he finished his breakfast at the table. He’s at that adorable stage where he resembles a small, animated creature, fully engrossed in devouring his meal. He started with his French toast, and then, with a determined look, he pushed the plate aside to make room for his oatmeal.
Oliver recently began attending a nursery program twice a week, where his teacher taught him to lean over his bowl to avoid spills. This morning, he sat up straighter and bent forward with such intention, trying to keep his clothes clean—a sight so endearing that it made my heart swell. In an instant, I shifted from feeling frazzled to experiencing joy so intense it made everything else fade away.
But what would life look like without these kids? I often fantasize about lounging on the couch, watching a movie, perhaps indulging in a yoga class or sleeping in. Yet, as an article from New York magazine titled “All Joy and No Fun” highlights, while parents may feel less happy on a day-to-day basis, they ultimately find a profound sense of purpose and satisfaction in their roles.
Parenting brings both transcendent moments of love and overwhelming daily stress. The lack of sleep, the chaos, and the loss of intimacy can cloud judgment, making it unwise to make major life decisions like divorce during these demanding years. I have a personal guideline: before reacting out of frustration—like when I feel road rage toward a slow driver—I ask myself if I’ve had less than seven hours of sleep, indulged in too many sweets, or had a disagreement with my partner. If the answer is yes to any of these, I take a moment to breathe and give the driver a break.
This same principle applies to relationships. It is crucial to communicate needs while also allowing for space and understanding during turbulent times. Given the stresses that come with raising small children, I believe couples should refrain from divorce during these years. After all, the partner you married may return once life stabilizes.
After my partner, Sarah, gave birth, her demeanor shifted significantly. It’s only natural—years of sleep deprivation and self-sacrifice take their toll. However, she eventually returned to her former self. One day she awoke, blinked, and exclaimed, “Wow, where have I been?” If we had chosen to divorce in that tumultuous time, I would have missed out on a lifetime of love and partnership.
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In summary, while parenting can feel overwhelmingly chaotic and stressful, it also offers profound moments of connection and joy. Navigating these early years with patience and understanding can lead to a stronger partnership. It’s essential to avoid making drastic decisions during this challenging phase, as the true essence of your relationship may re-emerge with time.