We are pleased to present the course offerings for the Spring 2015 semester. If your child is nearing their second birthday, please consult with your educational advisor regarding the registration process.
Class Offerings
Pants and How to Avoid Them
This introductory course explores the rationale behind parental insistence on wearing pants, often linked to societal expectations and temperature regulation. Participants will receive practical strategies for expressing their opposition effectively. Are bicycle kicks ineffective? Is yelling “NO PANTS! NO PANTS!” yielding minimal results? Our specialists (four-year-olds) will guide you through the nuances of “assertive refusal.”
(Wednesdays and Fridays, 6 PM – 9 PM)
Shelf-Diving Techniques
This engaging course will be conducted in the campus library, much to the chagrin of the library staff and maintenance crew.
(Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, 7 PM – 9 PM)
Introduction to Toddlerhood
New to this developmental stage? This course provides foundational knowledge essential for progressing to specialized studies. Topics include: accessing cabinets with hazardous cleaning supplies, unsolicited sneezing on loved ones, and the competitive consumption of Goldfish Crackers. Learn how to project innocence while covertly mashing avocado into the family pet.
(Mondays and Wednesdays, 12 PM – 4 PM)
Demanding Your Favorite Shows
Are you missing out on Caillou? Longing for a continuous loop of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse? This one-week intensive course is designed to empower toddlers with a limited vocabulary to effectively negotiate viewing preferences with adults.
(Monday-Friday, 1 PM – 8 PM)
Strategic Lego Placement
Want to ensure that your guardians experience discomfort during their nighttime wanderings? This class focuses on optimal locations for Lego play, ensuring maximum foot injuries as they navigate darkened hallways. Note: Legos will not be provided.
(Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, 7 PM – 9 PM)
(Prerequisite: “Placement of Small Matchbox Cars for Maximum Impact”)
Mastering Not Sharing
Due to high demand, this class fills up quickly. Register now to guarantee your spot. If you miss out, no amount of crying or protesting will secure you a place.
(Tuesdays and Fridays, 12 PM – 3 PM)
Walking at a Leisurely Pace
Classes commence at 4 PM and are located 200 feet from campus, along a path adorned with uniquely shaped sticks and litter. Punctual arrivals will be graded as failures.
(Wednesdays and Fridays, 4 PM – 6 PM)
Escaping the Crib
Tired of being confined? This high-energy class is tailored for toddlers eager to explore their environments. Participants will learn traditional methods of crib exit and address common queries such as “Does it hurt to land on hardwood?” and “Can I use my mattress as a trampoline?”
(Wednesdays, 8 PM – 4 AM)
Art of Food Refusal
Here, children will learn the delicate art of rejecting perfectly acceptable meals based on arbitrary criteria, such as “it’s touching other food.” Expert chefs will prepare a five-course meal for participants to reject, toss, or smear in their hair.
(Mondays and Thursdays, 6 PM – 9 PM)
Intermediate Creative Expression
Limited understanding of verbal communication does not hinder self-expression. This class encourages toddlers to utilize glue, permanent markers, and their parents’ furniture for artistic endeavors.
(Tuesdays and Thursdays, 12 PM – 3 PM)
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Summary
The Spring 2015 Toddler Course Catalog offers an array of classes designed to help toddlers navigate their developmental phase with humor and creativity. From resisting pants to artfully avoiding food, these courses are tailored to empower young learners in their unique ways.