Two years ago, as I celebrated my 41st birthday, I undertook a journey of transformation that I had previously thought was reserved for younger individuals or those without the responsibilities of motherhood. I reinvented myself.
In my childhood, I envisioned various careers, trying on different professional identities like costumes: president, educator, author, psychologist, and even actress. It wasn’t until my 20s that I began to refine my options, crossing off the White House and Hollywood. Yet, throughout my adult life, I maintained an openness to new opportunities. I gravitated toward jobs that felt fulfilling and switched employers whenever a more appealing path emerged or when my previous role became unfulfilling. Utilizing my advanced degrees, I transitioned across different fields. With no significant obligations aside from financial stability, I embraced new experiences with youthful confidence and the freedom of being single.
Graduate school led me into policy work, which then transitioned into law school, clerkships, and eventually a position at a prestigious law firm. Initially, the work was both challenging and financially rewarding. However, it didn’t take long for me to realize that the grueling 15-hour days, the adversarial nature of the legal system, and the demands for constant availability were not sustainable for me. I pondered leaving, weighed the thought of a pay cut, and then reconsidered, stuck in a loop of indecision.
Then, life took a turn. I got married, became a stepmother, adopted a dog, purchased a house, and welcomed a child. Suddenly, the prospect of leaving my job felt far more daunting than before. There were bills to pay, college funds to establish, and a home to maintain. While part of me longed to stay home and care for my children, I took pride in my financial contributions. I valued my professional identity and felt it was essential for my sons to have a working mother as a role model. I also grappled with the idea that stability was more important than the allure of new experiences.
The notion of frequently changing jobs seemed irresponsible to me as a mother. It didn’t align with the predictable and rational life I envisioned for my family. Leaving my job to explore something new felt as unlikely as enjoying an uninterrupted adult conversation or achieving a full night’s sleep.
Work became a means to an end, and I yearned for inspiration and new challenges. My husband encouraged me to explore one of my childhood dreams on the side. So, during the day, I attended to clients and met the demands of partners. After the children went to bed, I wrote—often for free, seizing any spare moment. I wrote out of passion, testing the waters to see if it could evolve into something more than a fleeting thrill when I spotted my name in print. After two years of squeezing writing into my life, and with my husband’s support, I made the leap to quit my job and pursue writing full-time.
At 41, with two children, I found myself unemployed for the first time in a quarter-century. The experience was a blend of fear and exhilaration.
I recognize the privilege that comes with having a supportive spouse, both financially and professionally. Yet, I discovered that what had held me back for years was not financial insecurity, but rather fear—fear of losing my identity and status, fear of failure, fear of judgment from others, and fear of disrupting my familial role. I was burdened by a multitude of “what-ifs” that constrained my aspirations.
Upon quitting, I encountered disbelief from colleagues and envy from others. My transition from an experienced attorney to a novice freelancer meant facing rejection from anonymous editors and criticism from unknown reviewers. I grappled with self-doubt and occasionally missed the structure and stability of office life.
However, the benefits I’ve gained far outweigh any losses. I’ve found autonomy, flexibility, creativity, and quality time with my kids. I’ve learned that skills from one profession can be adapted to another; education and training are never wasted, merely repurposed. My family does not define me by my job title, and I spent too long believing they did. I may not have a book deal or a viral article, and that’s perfectly fine. I am in the process of building a new career, and even in the event of failure, I know I can rebuild without regrets.
Admittedly, making such a significant change at this stage in life involves numerous challenges and sacrifices. Yet, if you find yourself yearning for a fresh start and can mentally prepare for the journey of beginning anew, the potential rewards are immense. While we may not all achieve the success of renowned authors, we can strive for our own personal aspirations. As Shel Silverstein wisely said:
“Listen to the mustn’ts, child,
Listen to the don’ts
Listen to the shouldn’ts,
The Impossibles, the won’ts.
Listen to the never haves.
Then listen close to me –
Anything can happen, child,
Anything can be.”
This article was originally published on June 9, 2015.
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Summary
At 41, I took a bold step to reinvent myself after years in a demanding legal career. With the support of my family, I transitioned from being an attorney to pursuing my passion for writing. My journey taught me that fear, not financial insecurity, had been my greatest barrier. Embracing my new identity has brought autonomy, creativity, and fulfillment into my life. While challenges remain, I am committed to this new path and excited about the possibilities ahead.