In my early 20s, I had a friend named Sarah. Sarah was spirited, humorous, and had an uncanny knack for finding the best late-night food spots or discovering underground bands. She was truly one of a kind.
One evening, while enjoying a night out, a charming man walked past us, only to engage with a woman who fit a more traditional standard of beauty—blonde hair and a revealing outfit. Watching them share laughs, Sarah erupted into a harsh critique of the woman’s appearance and intelligence. I was taken aback. This woman had simply dressed up to meet someone nice. Was her choice so different from ours?
“Why are you so upset with her?” I asked. “Shouldn’t your frustration be directed at the guy for overlooking you?”
My inquiries fell flat as Sarah continued to disparage the unknown woman to anyone nearby. Unfortunately, this behavior wasn’t solely Sarah’s. I recall a different friend nearing her graduation from a prestigious MBA program who overheard another student mock her interview attire and makeup, declaring she wouldn’t land the job. There was also the time a male acquaintance stated he could never work for a woman, and the other women present agreed.
Fast forward to today: the women I once knew are now navigating life in their 30s, many as wives and mothers. Yet, I still observe the same critical behavior—judgment and competition—only now it revolves around parenting choices: working versus staying home, breastfeeding versus formula feeding, co-sleeping versus sleep training. The dynamics have simply shifted to a new arena.
Of course, not all mothers engage in this behavior, just as not all young women were competitive in their pursuit of attention. However, with the prevalent discussions surrounding “mommy wars” and the negativity often directed at mothers, it’s clear that we need to adopt a different mindset. To cultivate a culture of support among mothers, we must start at a young age, with our daughters.
We should instill in them the importance of female friendships, whether they’re little girls playing together or tweens bonding over shared interests. We must correct any disparaging remarks they make about other girls and encourage them to cheer for their friends. It’s vital to limit their exposure to media that promotes disrespect among girls.
Moreover, we must reflect on our own actions. Children are observant; they notice when we criticize another woman or dismiss a mother’s struggles. They hear our complaints about female authority figures and see our reactions to other women. It’s crucial that we model supportive behavior rather than perpetuating a cycle of judgment and rivalry.
We have the opportunity to teach our daughters that other girls are allies, not adversaries. This way, when they become mothers, they can foster a culture of support rather than competition. Ideally, the notion of “mommy wars” will be something they read about in history or sociology classes and view as outdated, much like flip phones or MySpace.
As for that woman at the bar who once irked my friend? She’s likely a mother now too, facing her own challenges. I genuinely wish her the best.
For more insights on motherhood and home insemination, you can read about fertility boosters for men and check out Kindbody’s excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, for our terms and conditions, please visit here.
Summary
This article discusses the detrimental nature of female rivalry, particularly among mothers, and emphasizes the importance of fostering supportive relationships among women from a young age. By guiding our daughters to value friendships and support one another, we can hope to end the cycle of judgment that often characterizes women’s interactions.