Recently, I found myself in a revealing conversation with a few friends who are preparing to send their high school seniors off to college this fall. We delved into topics like the emotional toll of an empty nest, the stress of selecting a major, and the daunting financial realities that come with it. As a parent who still has a few years before my eldest heads to college, I found these discussions to be quite enlightening.
One of my friends shared that her child plans to attend college as an undecided major. Honestly, I was taken aback. Reflecting on my own experience at 18, I can’t fathom telling my parents, “I’m not sure what I want to do. I’ll figure it out while enjoying campus life.” I had always envisioned a career in nursing, so my path was fairly clear, especially knowing my parents had two more children to support through college. I was determined to complete my degree on time, understanding that our family investment in my education was significant.
As I brace myself for the inevitable moment of dropping my son off at his dorm, I’m also coming to grips with the hefty financial commitment that comes with higher education. With another child to follow in a few years, the reality is stark: we could finance a new Tesla every year for eight years or invest in two college degrees. While the allure of luxury cars is tempting, as a responsible adult, my priority is my children’s education.
My husband and I initiated college savings accounts almost as soon as our children entered the world. We made a firm decision early on: we would cover their college expenses. Both of our families supported us through college, and we committed to doing the same for our kids. Alongside our monthly savings, we’ve also invested any monetary gifts they’ve received since birth. Thankfully, our careful planning has resulted in a growing college fund.
However, there’s a critical condition attached to our financial support: our children must have a clear vision for their future before we invest in their education. I refuse to finance a four-year journey of self-discovery filled with frat parties and ski trips. My husband and I have worked too hard over the past 13 years to see our funds wasted on indecision.
When I express these thoughts to my friends, they chuckle and liken me to a character from the film Some Kind of Wonderful. In it, a father meticulously plans his son’s business college trajectory, much to the dismay of his artistic son. The film culminates in the son spending his college fund on diamond earrings for a date, leaving the father to ponder where he went astray.
But I’m not that father. I’m not imposing a career path on my children, nor am I living vicariously through them. What I am saying is that while I’m financially capable of supporting their education, I won’t allow them to squander that chance. I’m more than willing to assist them in achieving their goals, but they need to have a concrete plan.
Today’s youth often have the luxury of “finding themselves,” with many parents adopting a more lenient approach to parenting. This has contributed to an entitled generation. My kids aren’t entitled to my financial support any more than I’m entitled to dictate their career choices. It’s essential for both parties to collaborate to ensure that their education is purposeful and applicable in the real world.
As college approaches, my husband and I will help our children “find themselves” well in advance of them spending our hard-earned money. We’ll engage in ongoing discussions about their aspirations, potential living locations, and what truly brings them joy. I’ll take them on campus visits and recount stories from my own college days.
I will do my best to hold back tears as I help him unpack in that tiny, expensive dorm room. And yes, I’ll likely shed a few tears—not just for the memories, but also because I’m sacrificing that Tesla.
In summary, while it’s crucial for our children to explore their passions, it’s equally important for them to approach their education with a sense of purpose and direction. We’re committed to guiding them along this journey, ensuring that they make the most of their college experience.
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