My mother has frequently expressed her disbelief at the extremes to which modern mothers go. She feels that we overanalyze our children’s feelings and indulge them excessively, wrapping them in layers of hand sanitizer and sunscreen. This raises a question: Have we, as contemporary mothers, become overly meticulous? Are we perhaps transforming into “mama monsters”? Below are 30 observations my mother has made about what she considers our excessive parenting practices:
- Video Baby Monitors: According to her, these devices are the reason many mothers are sleep-deprived. We’re glued to the screen, constantly checking for any signs of distress or movement, leading to an obsession with our baby’s every sound. If the baby cries, rest assured, you will hear it without needing a high-tech monitor.
- Activity Scheduling: The way I meticulously plan out activities for my children suggests that I believe they might perish from boredom for even a moment.
- Food Choices: Everything we feed our kids must be organic, grass-fed, dye-free, and hormone-free. While my mother agrees about the importance of milk quality due to early maturation concerns in my generation, she likely rolls her eyes at my elaborate grocery lists filled with organic and gluten-free items.
- Clothing: All garments must be 100% cotton. This is a common request for children today, who seem to have sensitive skin.
- Personal Care Products: All lotions and body washes must be made from entirely natural ingredients and be fragrance-free due to sensitive skin concerns.
- Laundry Detergent: It must be biodegradable and free from dyes, fragrances, and harsh chemicals.
- Preschool Admissions: The application process resembles that of college: lengthy waiting lists, interviews, and potential rejections.
- Kale Smoothies: My children ask for kale smoothies of their own volition.
- Car Seat Complexity: The mechanisms for buckling children into car seats require advanced engineering skills.
- Departure Delays: It can take a full thirty minutes just to leave the house due to the extensive baby gear deemed necessary for a happy outing.
- Preschool Tuition: The cost of private preschool can rival mortgage payments.
- Dietary Restrictions: My children have never had a hot dog due to choking hazards.
- Party Restrictions: Balloons are banned at birthday parties for the same reason.
- Terminology: My children refer to their anatomy in euphemisms like “woo-hoo.”
- Menstrual Awareness: They are oblivious to what a period is; I simplify it by saying “Mommy has a boo-boo in her woo-hoo” when changing my tampon in public.
- Dance Moves: They sometimes dance in ways reminiscent of adult entertainment, a reflection of my own upbringing with MTV.
- Health Monitoring: We scrutinize our children’s stool to ensure they’re getting enough fiber, often sharing the details with family members.
- Household Chores: They do not set the table, fold laundry, or make their beds—skills we are still working on.
- Religious Texts: Our home lacks a Bible.
- Birth Plans: We create detailed birth plans and undergo numerous ultrasounds.
- Gender Reveal Parties: These events are now commonplace, adding another layer of pre-birth celebration.
- Caffeine Requests: My kids ask for Starbucks drinks with specific modifications, such as “a kid’s hot chocolate with extra cocoa and soy milk.”
- Wine Time: I consume wine as a coping mechanism for motherhood, and my kids recognize when it’s “Mommy’s Wine Time.”
- Yoga Skills: My children can perform yoga poses such as downward-facing dog.
- Music Overload: I allow a plethora of children’s music CDs in the car.
- Screen Time Debate: The topic of screen time has become a heavily debated issue among experts.
- Hand Sanitizer Usage: We apply hand sanitizer countless times throughout the day.
- Constant Analysis: I analyze my children’s behaviors and needs meticulously, even writing about our experiences on this blog and researching child-rearing topics online.
Why can’t we embrace simpler celebrations with just balloons, cake, and ice cream? Oh, right—balloons are choking hazards, and cake might be laden with artificial ingredients.
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In summary, the complexities of modern motherhood can often feel overwhelming and excessive, leading us to question whether we’ve lost the simple joys of parenting.