Dear Creator of Family Stick Figure Car Decals,
At any stoplight, I find myself inundated with details about the individuals in the car ahead of me. I now know that the driver enjoys summer vacations in the Hamptons, has a fondness for her Golden Retriever, and takes pride in her daughter’s achievements at Maplewood Academy. Lucky her!
Thanks to your questionable invention, I can now deduce that this driver is named Sarah, her partner is Mark, and her daughter is Emily. Sarah loves baking, Emily excels in soccer, and Mark appears to be quite fond of his briefcase. And—surprise—there’s another child on the way, and it’s a boy!
I urge you to reconsider the impact of your decals on our roads. Instead of discussing optimal sticker placement (bottom left of the rear window), let’s put an end to this trend that has overstayed its welcome. It has become a nuisance, and frankly, it takes advantage of parents who may not be thinking clearly about such choices.
These stickers can even pose a serious risk. Yes, a serious risk! This information is a dream come true for those with malicious intent. “Hello, stranger in the car behind me! I’m Lisa, a single mom who enjoys online shopping while my son, Jake, plays with his action figures. Feel free to follow me home—it’ll be easy to find us since we only have a pet hamster named Nibbles!”
This kind of exposure is reckless. However, I understand that you found a niche within the parenting market—congratulations! I hope your venture has brought you great success and that you’re enjoying life somewhere beautiful, as it would frustrate me to learn that this was merely a side project with all proceeds funneled to a local animal shelter.
A vehicle should symbolize maturity. After getting married and starting a family, the last thing one wants to do is surrender to the cliché of a family car. Do you think women enjoy being identified solely by their reproductive status through stick figures? We already know what’s inside: a frazzled parent in sweatpants, likely having neglected personal grooming for days. The vehicle is a mobile chaos machine, filled with toys, snack remnants, and the sounds of animated films. Who would want to advertise that?
I’m also curious if you have any connection to other questionable automotive adornments? Perhaps you’re in league with the creators of Truck Nutz, Reindeer Ears, or Antenna Balls? They seem to share a similar aesthetic. Lastly, I wonder whether you are male or female. If you’re a man, is this some kind of joke? If you’re a woman, what were you thinking?
Regardless of your gender, I want you to know that while I may envy your financial success, I cannot support your creation. You’ve done a disservice to our communities, ranking right up there with unlimited soda refills and jeggings.
Please take your Stick Figures and place them where they belong.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rachel Thompson
P.S. For further insights into family planning and methods like at-home insemination, you can explore this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination or check out this informative post on our blog.
In summary, the proliferation of family stick figure decals has become a source of annoyance and potential danger on our roads. While the creator may have found success in this niche market, it raises questions about the appropriateness of such displays. Let’s consider the implications and aim for a more sensible approach to vehicle decoration.