Updated: Aug. 15, 2015
Originally Published: May 28, 2015
As I hurriedly exit the classroom, I silently hope no one in my daughter’s class asks me how old I am. All the other parents seem to be younger than me. I wouldn’t lie about my age, but I certainly don’t want to bring it up. Unfortunately, my daughter innocently exclaims, “My Mommy’s 45 today!” A gasp echoes through the room—one I realize is coming from me. While the other parents are polite, I can sense their surprise. I can hardly believe it myself. At 45, it feels like I’m on the cusp of middle age, not yet ready for that label.
Throughout my life, I’ve never been bothered by my age. As the youngest in my family, I grew up surrounded by older siblings. Even when I had my first child at 37, I found myself in a circle of friends who were all older, allowing me to maintain my status as the “young one” despite inching toward middle age. Living in Los Angeles, where many women seem to freeze at 29, I embraced the wisdom that comes with age. I used to proudly share my age, welcoming compliments like, “You look so young!”
However, now when I share my age, the response is often, “Forty-five? Wow, you look great for your age.” This is followed by a silent, scrutinizing glance at my skin, as if I’m competing in a race against time—a contest I never signed up for.
And when I hear that “45 is the new 30,” I can’t help but roll my eyes. Unless today’s 30-year-olds are experiencing hot flashes and loose skin, that statement feels inaccurate. Besides, I don’t have any desire to relive my 30s, a decade that came with its own set of challenges.
The reality of aging is that younger generations encourage us to embrace it. While I feel more confident and knowledgeable than ever, I also have a 4-year-old daughter at home, and I don’t want to miss a single moment of her childhood. It’s not about looking old; it’s about not wanting to feel old.
So the next time a young mother tells me that I should be thrilled because “45 is the new 30,” I’ll respond, “Actually, 45 is the new 46.” Then I’ll casually ask her where she takes her spin classes or hot yoga, fully aware I probably won’t attend any of those sessions. The most liberating aspect of aging is realizing you don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not. If only I had understood this at 30, which I hear is now considered the new 29.
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In summary, embracing aging while navigating the complexities of motherhood is a journey filled with unique challenges and joys. Understanding that 45 may not be the same as 30 allows for a richer experience, focusing on what truly matters—being present for our children.