As a medical professional might describe it, I fall under the category of “advanced maternal age.” For those unfamiliar with the term, it essentially means I became a parent later in life. I met my partner at 30, tied the knot at 31, and welcomed my first child just shy of 36. Growing up, I didn’t view my age as particularly unusual; my mother was 41 when I entered the world. However, once my children started school, I experienced a shift in perspective upon realizing I was often a decade older than many of the other mothers. Though I cherish my friendships with them and generally overlook the age gap, the occasional reality check still emerges. Here are some examples:
- I sometimes find myself old enough to be the mother of my child’s teacher.
- The grandparents of some classmates are younger than my own parents.
- A friend discusses her decade-long plans, and it takes me a moment to recognize she isn’t referring to retirement.
- I struggle to explain to my kids why I’m too old for another baby, especially when they lack knowledge about reproduction.
- Occasionally, I shock other parents with my outdated phrases like “Because I said so,” or “Your face will freeze like that.”
- I have to restrain myself from sharing wisdom with younger parents, especially when their children are older than mine.
- Hearing “ma’am” from another mom makes me uncomfortable, despite my southern roots where such terms are valued. But please, don’t address someone with kids my age that way!
- I receive remarks about my children being close in age. Having started my family later meant I had to act fast—I had three kids in under three years, with the second and third just 11 months apart.
- I can’t help but question why my friend’s hair appointment was significantly cheaper than mine, only to realize she opts for trendy highlights rather than covering grays.
- My husband and I fondly chuckle about “those kids,” referring to other parents.
- I contemplate discussing menstruation with my 9-year-old daughter because I worry that I won’t recall the experience by the time she’s ready.
Despite my “advanced maternal age,” I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I recognize I would have struggled as a mother in my twenties or even early thirties. However, it would be nice if the other parents could age just a little quicker—maybe turn 40 before I hit 50!
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Summary
Being an older mom brings a unique set of experiences and realizations, from the age gaps with other parents to the challenges of parenting at a later stage in life. While it may come with its own set of challenges, embracing this phase of motherhood can lead to rewarding experiences and strong connections.