After years of experience and managing the complexities of family dining, I have distilled the process into 38 straightforward steps.
- Rush home from work, aiming to hit every green light without attracting local law enforcement.
- Start preparing the chicken.
- Discover you are out of salt. Compensate with an extra dash of pepper.
- Set out chicken, buns, cheese, and grilling utensils for your partner.
- Gather carrots, cucumber, and lettuce for the salad.
- Realize there is only a quarter of a cucumber remaining.
- Express frustration towards your partner for last night’s indulgence in cocktails.
- Locate croutons in the pantry, as they might serve as a crunchy substitute for cucumber.
- Assemble the salad.
- Retrieve your toddler from the floor, where he has dramatically flopped after spotting a lettuce leaf.
- Negotiate with your toddler: three bites of salad will equal one Popsicle.
- Successfully transport salad, chicken, milk, and toddler to the dining table.
- Sit down to eat.
- Stand up again to cut the chicken into small pieces for your toddler.
- Get up once more for extra ketchup after your toddler consumed the initial serving with a spoon.
- Inquire about your partner’s day.
- Calm your toddler about the small black specks on chicken, insisting they are tiny bits of chocolate.
- Amid the escalating noise, remove the pepper and cheese from the chicken, as today’s tastes are fickle.
- Sit down again and take a sip of your wine.
- Inform your toddler that he is not finished with his meal; three bites of bun dipped in ketchup do not constitute a balanced diet.
- Explain that the promised Popsicle hinges on him eating three bites of salad and chicken.
- Wait as he counts on his fingers to understand six bites.
- Compromise on five bites when he proudly holds up five fingers. Clearly, he is a genius and deserves special consideration.
- Clarify that licking the chicken does not count as an acceptable bite.
- Look at your partner, struggling to recall if he shared his day’s events.
- Agree with your toddler that two croutons and one carrot can be considered three bites of salad.
- Grab a wet napkin to clean up the carrot your toddler chewed and then spat onto the dog’s fur.
- Attempt to eat a piece of chicken.
- Stand up to fetch a third serving of ketchup for your toddler.
- Utter empty threats: no Thomas the Train if the chicken remains untouched.
- Hand over the iPad so your toddler can watch Thomas while he finishes his chicken.
- Taste a bite of chicken, realizing it has cooled down and is now overly peppered.
- Discard the food and refill your wine glass.
- Retrieve a Popsicle for your toddler, rationalizing that two bites of chicken are nearly equivalent to three.
- Request that your toddler place his plate in the sink.
- Remove the plate from the trash and return it to the sink.
- Uncover the missing salt shaker nestled in the garbage.
- Congratulate yourself on completing another family meal, with a staggering 7,143 more to go.
This article originally appeared on May 20, 2015. For more insights on family dynamics and meal preparation, check out this resource on fertility and visit Make a Mom for expert information on fertility tools. For additional guidance, you can also read our advertiser disclosure.
In summary, family mealtime can be a chaotic yet rewarding experience. Navigating the hurdles of picky eaters, food preferences, and daily schedules requires patience and creativity. Following these steps can help streamline the process and make family dinners more enjoyable.