As a parent, it’s not uncommon to experience feelings of loneliness despite being constantly surrounded by family members. Recently, I confided in my brother, who is single, about my feelings of isolation. He responded, “But you’re with people all day. How can you feel lonely?” This question has haunted me ever since I embraced motherhood. How is it possible to feel lonely when two little beings are constantly by my side, even during private moments?
Is it due to the nature of my interactions? Most of my conversations revolve around instructing my children: “Wash your hands. Stop bothering your sibling. Please keep your hands to yourself.” Or perhaps it’s because my partner is often away for work, leaving me to navigate parenting on my own. Whatever the reason, the sentiment of loneliness is undeniable.
There are days when I don’t engage with another adult at all. Days when no one inquires about my well-being or thoughts. I find myself maneuvering through the complexities of parenthood without a single moment of connection with someone who truly understands. I long for that reassuring nod that says, “I understand what you’re going through.” And that absence is profoundly isolating.
Before becoming a mom, I had a vision of motherhood that included excitement, challenges, fear, and fun. However, I never anticipated the loneliness that can accompany it. The demands of parenting can be so overwhelming that it leaves little room for social interaction. After a long day caring for my children, the last thing I want is to go out or reach out to a friend. I often lack the energy to engage in meaningful conversations with my partner in the evenings.
To combat this loneliness, I strive to connect with my children. As they age, these interactions improve; however, they cannot completely substitute for adult connections. I recall the difficult newborn phase when I felt invisible, as if I were living on a different planet. While I can now somewhat converse with my children, it does not replace the value of speaking with someone who can look you in the eye and genuinely listen. And that feeling of disconnection is what makes loneliness so profound.
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In summary, feeling lonely as a parent is a common experience, despite being surrounded by family. The nature of parenthood can be isolating, leaving little time for adult interactions. While connecting with children can help, it often doesn’t fulfill the need for adult companionship.