Reflections of a Birthing Class Misfit

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I had a vivid vision of what my first birthing experience would entail: serene music playing in the background, smiles all around, and me effortlessly giving birth in the comfort of my bathtub. I had watched the documentaries, and I was certain of what I wanted. So, when I stumbled upon a hypnobirthing class at the birthing center where I was receiving prenatal care, I felt it was the perfect fit.

HypnoBirthing is a well-regarded method designed to help women approach childbirth in a calm and beautifully serene way. “This sounds great!” I thought. “I want to experience childbirth in a peaceful and extraordinary manner. Count me in!”

Fast forward a few months, and my partner and I found ourselves ascending the stairs to a hypnobirthing class perched atop a yoga studio in downtown Brooklyn—of course. We were welcomed by a calm woman with a warm smile. After handing over our $350 check, we took off our shoes and settled into a circle with other couples who were already present.

The initial sessions primarily featured our instructor reading from the book Hypnobirthing Made Easy. I already had a copy at home, which left me a bit disappointed, but her soothing voice made it bearable as I prepared for the journey into meditation. By the third session, another expecting mother leaned over and whispered, “Are we actually going to learn self-hypnosis, or what? I didn’t sign up to be read to.” I nodded, grateful for her skepticism, as our instructor seemed to read our minds. That session, she shifted gears and presented several birth videos.

The calmness exhibited by the women in those videos was astonishing. Honestly, I looked more distressed during sit-ups than they did while delivering their babies. One woman even appeared to have an orgasm during her birth—an image I wish I could erase from my mind. I started to wonder if I was truly cut out for a serene birthing experience.

Session four arrived, and the topic of hypnosis was finally on the table. The instructor announced she would guide us through a self-hypnosis exercise, and I felt a surge of excitement. She began:

“Close your eyes. Relax your eyelids and your jaw. Sink into your seat. Now picture yourself standing on a staircase. There are ten steps you will descend—each step will take you deeper into relaxation. Hold onto the handrail as you go deeper. Ten, deeper and deeper. Nine, deeper and deeper…”

As she continued, I found myself waving my hand uncontrollably, fully aware of my body’s movements. A quick glance around the room confirmed that I was the sole participant still in control of my hand. My partner was fast asleep nearby, which I suppose didn’t count.

The instructor announced she would count down from ten, and at the end, we would open our eyes and regain full control of our hands. I nudged my partner, hoping he would wake up and join the group. Honestly, I was a bit envious of his ability to relax so completely. When everyone shared their experiences, they expressed disbelief at their inability to move their hands or described sensations like walking into a lake. I hesitated to reveal that I had been waving my hand the entire time, but my reluctance to seem like a failure got the better of me.

“I could move my hand. I was fully aware of it. I can’t picture ever being in a state where I couldn’t move my hand unless something catastrophic happened.”

The instructor regarded me with a serene expression and remarked, “Emily, have you always struggled with control?” Touché, I thought.

Ultimately, my desire for control culminated in an emergency C-section. While I couldn’t move my legs during the procedure, I’m sure that had more to do with the epidural than any lack of control on my part. The takeaway? If you ever feel out of place during your birthing class, remember that not every approach is suited for everyone.

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Summary:

In this candid reflection, Emily Carter recounts her experience in a hypnobirthing class, highlighting her struggles with the techniques and her ultimate unexpected outcome of an emergency C-section. Through humor and honesty, she emphasizes that not all birthing classes resonate with every individual, encouraging others to embrace their unique experiences.

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