Recently, my older sibling called to invite us to a small gathering for his child’s birthday. When he mentioned the date, I glanced at my planner and burst out laughing, reminiscent of a teenager overindulging in cough syrup. “I’m double booked, my dude,” I exclaimed in that familiar, exasperated tone that many parents use to convey just how busy we are.
“Our eldest will be away on a scouting trip to Gettysburg, and his younger brother has camping at Quail Hill with the Cub Scouts. But if it rains, he’ll be at a soccer tournament instead. Oh, and let’s not forget about baseball practice or their sister’s softball game! Maybe we can swing by sometime in between? Though I doubt it.”
And that’s how a typical spring weekend unfolds in our household.
Looking at my scheduling app, the sheer volume of commitments makes my head spin like a cartoon character who has just been hit by a barrage of falling objects. It resembles staring at an optical illusion, struggling to determine which direction those imaginary stairs lead, while secretly wishing I could just skip the chaos and opt for a peaceful elevator ride instead.
My parents, in stark contrast, had no such scheduling conflicts and were excited for the birthday celebration. “We can’t wait to see everyone!” my mom said cheerfully. When I recounted my long list of obstacles, she remarked, “Hmm, you sound just like your brother now. Didn’t you say you’d never end up like that?” She chuckled.
Touché, Mom. Indeed, I did claim that. Many parents make that naive assumption, brushing aside the wisdom of those who have traversed the path before them, convinced that their outcomes will differ.
My brother became a parent nearly a decade before I did, allowing me to observe his parenting journey—both its challenges and triumphs. With each passing year, my partner and I watched, cringed, and silently vowed, “No way, that won’t be us.”
- Babies sharing our bed? Not a chance.
- Prioritizing family time over couple time? Absolutely not.
- Our children will never speak to us that way or dress like that. No way.
That won’t be us, we insisted.
And we would certainly never become one of those overly scheduled families with chaotic, color-coded calendars that could induce a seizure just by looking at them. We would never miss Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or a birthday due to a conflicting activity.
Yet, here we are.
Our nine-year-old often has nightmares and frequently ends up in our bed. His twin sister wants to dress like she’s in her late teens. We’ve had our share of challenging conversations and behaviors, and couple time? That vanished along with the luxury of sleeping in, using the bathroom alone, and maintaining a tidy home.
Despite my judgments, protests, and rolling eyes, my life has become that impossible staircase. We find ourselves constantly on the go because our children have their own desires, friendships, and sports, which sends us racing around like headless chickens. It turns out that these little beings we brought into the world possess their own opinions, personalities, and interests.
Who would have thought?
My mom knew. My brother knew. Everyone who has been down this road tried to warn us, but we stubbornly plugged our ears and confidently declared, “That will never be us.”
Almost everything those other parents predicted has come to pass—each stage and each phase. And we still have quite a journey ahead. Now it’s my turn to offer advice to the next generation of parents, which they will probably ignore, and I wouldn’t blame them. Here’s my two cents: never say never, embrace the impossible, and accept that one day, you might find yourself in a similar situation. Despite what you think now, you are not alone, and like the rest of us, you will navigate through it.
My brother’s children are now teenagers, with one even headed off to college soon. Whenever he calls to share stories about car mishaps, curfew violations, or teenage rebellion, my partner and I exchange knowing glances and sighs, fully aware that this is our future too. But when I hear about him and his wife finally taking a trip to the Caribbean, we can’t help but cross our fingers and smile. “Oh yes, that will definitely be us.”
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In summary, parenting often defies our expectations. We may find ourselves in situations we once thought impossible, and like those who have walked this path before us, we learn, adapt, and grow in ways we never anticipated.