Scrolling through my social media often leaves me disheartened. I see people speculating about the causes of tragic events, such as mental health struggles, overbearing parenting, or the pressures of school. The reality is, we don’t know what drives these young individuals to such despair. No family from the recent suicide cluster has come forward with a clear explanation, and it’s unlikely that we will ever fully understand. However, we do recognize certain factors that are negatively impacting our children today. A local teenager, Sarah Grant, put it simply: “Parents, take a breath.”
To all the parents reading this, I urge you to accept, right now, that your child probably isn’t going to Stanford, regardless of their efforts. (And no, they’re likely not getting into Harvard, Yale, MIT, or even UC Berkeley. I’m being serious here.) Your child isn’t getting into the prestigious college you envision.
“What about so-and-so’s child at Stanford? What were their SAT scores? What activities did they do?” Sure, you can find exceptions, but let’s keep it real: Stanford’s admission rate was below 5 percent last year. That’s a tough statistic to ignore.
In an effort to provide some clarity, I’ll address questions frequently posed by parents. I didn’t answer these queries at the time they were asked, but I’ll respond now based on my insights into admissions processes and my experiences as both a community leader and a parent. Please note, my responses are not official advice from any institution.
I’ll be a bit cheeky because, as Sarah suggests, we all need to lighten up. At the end, I’ll share the types of questions I wish parents would consider instead, which I believe hold significant value.
Common Questions I Encounter:
Freshman Parent: “My child is in honors math and has three hours of homework each night. If I pull them from honors math, am I jeopardizing their chances of getting into Stanford?”
If your ninth grader is facing three hours of homework for one subject, that’s a problem. This isn’t merely about college admissions; it’s about managing time. With five or six subjects, there aren’t enough hours in a day to accommodate that much homework. Contact the teacher or school. Seriously, don’t put your child in classes that demand such excessive workloads.
Sophomore Parent: “My son has a ‘B’ in English. What can I do to improve his chances for Ivy League schools? Would an exotic summer service trip help?”
You asked how to “salvage” the situation. Here’s the truth: you can’t. Remember, you are not the student. It’s your child’s responsibility to improve their grades. As for sending them on a trip to milk yaks in Timbuktu? Let’s just say that won’t do much for their academic standing.
Junior Parent: “How important are grades? Can students with ‘B’s get into Ivy League schools?”
Grades matter, but it’s essential to be realistic. While students with ‘B’s can indeed get into Ivies, the odds are not in your favor. Have you seen the admissions statistics? They are daunting.
Senior Parent: “My child is applying to 19 colleges.”
That’s not even a question, but I might scream into a pillow just thinking about it.
Junior Parent: “I had to sign a form for my son to take more AP classes than recommended. He needs to stay competitive!”
That’s not a question either; it’s an excuse. Limits exist for a reason. Let’s be honest: “He needs to stay competitive” just means “I want my child to outshine the other parents.” If you’re boasting about your child’s workload, it should come with a disclaimer: “I’m making my child suffer on purpose.”
Freshman Parent: “How many AP classes does my child need to get into Yale? I hear some kids take 22!”
A good target number is zero, because your child likely won’t be attending Yale. Have you not received that memo yet?
Questions I Wish Parents Would Ask:
How much sleep does my teen need each night?
At minimum, teens require nine hours of sleep for optimal health, according to the Mayo Clinic.
So how much homework does that leave time for?
If school ends at 3 p.m. and your child gets up at 7 a.m., bedtime needs to be 10 p.m. This leaves seven hours for sports, dinner, relaxation, and homework.
My child has more than seven hours of homework. What now?
Speak up! Contact teachers. If necessary, prioritize sleep over homework. You may find that teachers appreciate the feedback and adjust their expectations.
Everyone is signing forms for their kids to take extra AP classes. What should I do?
Don’t sign. You’re the authority. While it’s hard to guarantee that taking fewer APs won’t impact admissions, kids who overextend themselves often don’t fare well.
Where should my child apply if they’re interested in X?
This varies widely, but I hope parents would engage in meaningful discussions about college options. Surprising some parents may be the fact that not all top programs are at Ivy League schools.
How important are grades and scores?
While they matter, they aren’t everything. Schools fill their classes with diverse students, not just those with perfect grades.
How do I motivate my child to excel academically?
Focus on encouraging your child to do their best. When grades fluctuate, don’t overreact. Encourage improvement and learning rather than placing undue pressure to achieve straight A’s.
My child has perfect grades. Does that guarantee admission?
No. Perfection isn’t as rare as it once was. Many students boast exceptional academic records but still face rejection.
I attended an Ivy League school. Does that increase my child’s chances?
Not necessarily. Admissions landscapes have changed significantly since you applied. Your success doesn’t hinge on your alma mater.
What if my child doesn’t get into their desired college?
Encourage them to work with their school’s college counselors to build a realistic list of schools, including options that suit their interests.
How can I alleviate the pressure on my child?
Stop emphasizing that Harvard is the pinnacle of success from the moment they are born.
What should my child do to maximize their chances for college admission?
Encourage them to engage with their learning and participate in activities they enjoy, which is far more valuable than chasing grades alone.
In summary, while it’s easy for parents to fixate on elite colleges, it’s crucial to prioritize your child’s well-being and foster a balanced approach to education. By focusing on sleep, stress management, and personal interests, you can help your child find fulfillment in their academic journey, regardless of where they end up. For more resources on this topic, check out our post on home insemination, and if you’re considering options for conception, visit Cryobaby for expert guidance. Additionally, you can explore Hopkins Medicine for comprehensive information on fertility and insemination services.