As a child, I often found myself envious of peers whose mothers were actively involved in school events, assisting with art projects during the day, or chaperoning field trips. I imagined them sneaking in during lunch to add extra treats to their kids’ meals. My own mother, however, was a single parent, and while she would have loved to engage in those activities, her reality dictated otherwise. Her sick days were strictly reserved for when her children were unwell. Working tirelessly as a special education teacher, she dedicated her afternoons to caring for her two imaginative, sensitive daughters, with no time or energy to spare.
This was not the life she had envisioned. As a young girl, she dreamt of having eight children, a fantasy that eventually faded. Nonetheless, the anticipation of motherhood filled her with excitement. She was a child at heart, hoping for countless days of laughter, creative projects, and storytelling. She envisioned a traditional family structure similar to her own upbringing in the 1950s, where a father provided for the family while a mother nurtured the children.
While my father was indeed a kind and gentle man, he struggled to fulfill the role my mother desired. In my early years, he managed to support us, but as time passed, it became evident that their visions for family life diverged significantly. He pursued his own political ambitions, expecting my mother to contribute to the household income.
Their separation came shortly after my younger sister was born. It was later, as I ventured into motherhood myself, that I discovered the sacrifices my mother made during those early months. She relied on the proceeds from a condo sale, supplemented by government assistance and help from her parents, to care for my sister as she had done for me. Even after returning to work, finances remained tight, and it took years for her to achieve full self-sufficiency. While we always had our basic needs met, excess was a luxury we did not experience.
Now, as I navigate my eighth year of primarily being a full-time mother to my two sons, I find myself feeling profoundly grateful. Despite the challenges and occasional loneliness that come with the role, being present for my children feels like a privilege. I appreciate the moments when my partner returns home after a long day, sharing a vision of family life that aligns with mine. Although we face financial constraints, we manage to make it work. My upbringing taught me that the most important thing children need is the presence of their parents.
I recognize that not every family aspires to the traditional structure we have. Many women pursue careers outside the home, and for some families, it simply isn’t feasible for one parent to stay home. I am acutely aware that not all homes are composed of two loving parents. However, I am immensely thankful for my choice to either work or stay at home.
Above all, my gratitude is directed towards my mother. Despite the financial strain and exhaustion she experienced, she provided unwavering support. She did the best she could with the circumstances she faced, shaping me into the woman and mother I am today. Her steadfastness was my anchor during the unpredictability of my childhood.
Now, in her retirement after over two decades of teaching, she continues to support me wholeheartedly. She readily comes over to assist with my children whenever needed, bringing joy to both her and my family. Although I sometimes feel a pang of guilt for asking for help—given the limited support she had during our upbringing—she is always eager to be there for us.
I cherish the fact that my children are growing up with her. I want them to experience her in this liberated phase of her life, remembering her joyful spirit as she strums her guitar and plays with them. I hope they recognize her strength and resilience, feeling enveloped in the warmth of her unconditional love.
For further insights into parenting and family dynamics, consider exploring resources like Make a Mom and Kindbody, which provide valuable information on family-building journeys. You can also read more about personal experiences in motherhood at this blog post.
In summary, my mother’s unwavering support and dedication have been fundamental in my life. Her sacrifices and enduring love have shaped me, and I am profoundly grateful for all that she continues to offer.