My partner and I have shared many years together, and our bond serves as the cornerstone of our family. There are moments when it feels like we’re merely co-managing a busy household, akin to resident advisors in a bustling dormitory, where children come and go, requiring care, attention, and transportation. Yet, on other days, our connection is resilient enough to withstand the whirlwind of family life.
I don’t subscribe to a rigid hierarchy of who takes precedence in my life; rather, I aim to meet the varying needs of those around me. Each day brings its own challenges, where sometimes one child demands more attention, other times my partner needs more of my time, and occasionally, I simply want to be at the forefront. On most days, my dog requires a walk too. My family dynamic doesn’t resemble Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in any way.
This is why I find it perplexing when some women assert they prioritize their husbands over their children. For instance, a writer named Lisa Greene on YourTango.com claimed in her article, “Why I’ll Always Put My Husband Before My Kids,” that making her spouse her top priority is essential. She elaborates that a strong marriage serves as a model for her children, reinforcing the idea that their union is the foundation of their family. She also notes that children eventually grow up and leave the nest, and she wishes to maintain her connection with her husband. While I resonate with these points, I take issue with her assertion: “I love my kids, but I love my husband more.”
I would never voice such a sentiment. I wouldn’t dare open the floodgates on the internet to declare that I love anyone more than my children. Because I simply don’t. Love is not a finite resource like a pie; it’s more akin to an endless, boundless ocean. I cannot quantify my love for my partner and juxtapose it against my love for others. I can’t even pick a favorite color or flavor of ice cream!
My love for my three children, my partner, my parents, my sibling, and my closest friends varies, and while some days it may feel more challenging to express love to one person over another, it’s all part of the intricate balancing act that is family life.
The idea of choosing between my partner and my children is not a binary choice. My partner and I still prioritize date nights and solo vacations, even if I haven’t pledged that he is my number one focus.
A survey conducted by YourTango revealed that nearly half of respondents believe wives should prioritize their husbands. This perspective seems somewhat dated and oddly constricting. Did the survey inquire whether husbands should place their wives first? Likely not, as that would seem unusual; such questions are typically only posed to women. In our culture, men are often expected to prioritize work, family, or perhaps their favorite sports teams, while women are frequently asked to rank their relationships.
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In summary, love is not a limited commodity that must be divided among family members. Each relationship holds its own unique value, and it is possible to nurture all your loved ones without rigid hierarchies. Balancing the needs of a partner and children can lead to a fulfilling family life where love flows freely.