“Let’s be the brains, and you can be the beauty.”
These words hit me hard, spoken by some well-meaning male classmates during a high school group project. I had assumed our collaboration stemmed from our intellectual strengths, but that remark forced me to reconsider.
Forget about beauty.
I’m not referring to rejecting the idea of looking good, nor dismissing others’ perceptions of a woman’s appearance. What I’m really tired of is everything associated with the notion of “beauty.”
This is for my delightful 3-year-old daughter, who enjoys trains and cars just as much as dolls. She might choose a pink cupcake yet declare that her favorite color is blue. For three years, I’ve pondered how to respond to her inquiries about my makeup routine.
I could say it’s to enhance my appearance. That’s somewhat true, but does that suggest I believe I need it to be worthy? What kind of role model does that make me? I don’t want you to feel that makeup is essential for your beauty because you’re already extraordinary.
Yet, I hesitate to express that, as you embody so much more than just beauty. You are smart, brave, funny, silly, generous, and full of spirit—beauty is far down the list.
Forget about beauty.
This is for my remarkable 14-year-old stepdaughter, who is petite and stunning, yet despises every photo of herself and genuinely believes she is overweight. I long for a time before selfies, when the only self-reflection came from a mirror, not through countless filters and angles, or the relentless scrutiny of social media. Adolescence was challenging enough without these pressures.
I wish you could understand that your worth isn’t tied to being “thin” (which you aren’t), and even if you were, you’d still be intelligent, kind, independent, and creative. Beauty is not determined by a smaller nose or thinner thighs.
Forget about beauty.
This is for my phenomenal 17-year-old niece, who is rapidly rising in the Canadian modeling industry. Scouted by a top agency at just 16, she’s entering a world obsessed with beauty. While I’m proud, I’m also concerned.
I fear you might fall into unhealthy habits to compete in this cutthroat environment. I worry you’ll overlook your other remarkable qualities—your intelligence, wit, kindness, and creativity—because they are as valuable as your appearance.
Forget about beauty.
I wish I could articulate why I still feel the need to wear makeup. I see women who forgo it and think, “Wow! She looks incredible without any.” Why wouldn’t I think others see me the same way? My partner prefers me without makeup, yet I wouldn’t dream of attending a gathering bare-faced. What am I scared of?
The concept of beauty is perplexing. I want to embrace looking attractive, yet I feel frustrated when it’s the first thing people notice about me. I fiercely protect my youngest daughter from the word and all it implies.
In this overly idealized culture we’re raising our daughters in, I worry they are learning that a heroine must have a perfect figure and flawless makeup, ultimately waiting to be saved by a prince. That’s not the role model we want for them. Our heroines should be inspiring figures like Malala Yousafzai, who bravely fought for her education and became the youngest Nobel Peace Prize laureate. Malala embodies courage, intelligence, and eloquence—and yes, she is beautiful, but not because of her appearance, but because of her character.
Forget about beauty.
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In summary, the pressure to conform to traditional standards of beauty can be overwhelming. It is essential to recognize and celebrate our inner qualities rather than focusing solely on outward appearances. Our daughters should be encouraged to value their intelligence, bravery, and creativity above all.