In a recent discussion, a friend shared her discomfort with unsolicited remarks from strangers about her four-year-old daughter’s appearance. Initially, I thought, “Compliments for little girls are harmless.” However, her impression—the exaggerated squinting and crooning tones—made me realize these comments were not innocent. Every woman recognizes the difference between a genuine compliment and a catcall, and such remarks aimed at a child are deeply troubling.
To better understand this issue, I conducted a casual survey among fellow parents in my Brooklyn neighborhood. I reached out on our local listserv, inquiring about the comments their children receive while out in public. I received 11 responses, predominantly from mothers, covering 15 children aged between 18 months and six years. Of these kids, nine were boys and six were girls.
Among the six girls, three had faced experiences that could be classified as negative—ranging from inappropriate to downright cruel. One mother recounted how a local man consistently remarked that her daughters, aged 18 months and four, resembled Mae West. Another mother reported that her five-year-old daughter, who is a bit overweight, frequently hears comments about her size, often with unsolicited advice on how to manage it. In contrast, the boys received compliments that were generally positive—comments like “handsome” or “cute.” The most negative reaction came from a red-headed boy who felt annoyed enough by compliments on his hair to wear a hat.
Summarizing my limited findings: about 50% of girls aged 18 months to six years have already encountered some form of body-shaming or sexualized comments in public. Research from Stop Street Harassment reveals that 65% of women experience street harassment, with 10% of these incidents starting as early as age 12. Executive Director Holly Kearl noted that many women recall such experiences beginning around puberty or even younger.
This early onset of unwanted attention coincides with the age when children are typically allowed more independence, making them easy targets for inappropriate comments. The question then arises: should we allow our children the freedom to explore and potentially face these comments, or should we keep them close to shield them from such behavior? Boys, particularly those who are overweight or do not conform to traditional gender norms, are also vulnerable, with 25% of men reporting harassment, and 14% of those incidents beginning by age 12.
I spoke with Dr. Jessica Lin, a sociology Ph.D. candidate focusing on street harassment and micro-aggressions. She expressed that early instances of catcalling are prevalent, especially for girls in school uniforms. These girls often face harassment from men in passing cars, and when they report it to school authorities, they are sometimes questioned about provoking the behavior.
When discussing the overweight child and the lack of catcalling directed at boys, Dr. Lin pointed out that the experience of harassment varies considerably based on gender, body type, and overall appearance. Those least likely to experience such remarks tend to be men who conform to traditional gender expectations.
It is disheartening to admit that my initial reaction to my friend’s concerns was to think, “Well, she is exceptionally beautiful.” This mindset inadvertently implies that beauty comes with the burden of harassment. However, it is crucial to recognize that even women in heavy winter attire, barely visible under layers, still face catcalling. This behavior is not about beauty; it serves as a means of asserting control over women who dare to be in public spaces alone. Notably, women accompanied by men are less likely to receive such comments.
So, what actions can a mother take when faced with this unsettling reality? Dr. Lin suggests that if one feels safe, they might assertively ask individuals to refrain from commenting on their child’s appearance. This approach not only empowers the parent but also teaches children about setting boundaries. If confronting the situation is not feasible, it is essential to have private discussions with children about these experiences, reinforcing that such comments are unacceptable and unfortunately common. Bystanders also play a critical role; anyone witnessing street harassment should consider intervening.
Reflecting on my past, I realize I often avoided confronting my harassers, opting instead to keep my head down. However, motherhood brings a new resolve to advocate for one’s children, and I am committed to stepping in should I witness inappropriate remarks about any child, including comments likening a little girl to Mae West.
In conclusion, the dialogue surrounding street harassment and its impact on young children, particularly girls, is vital. It is imperative to educate ourselves and our children about these issues, fostering a culture of respect and empowerment for future generations.
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