Parenting brings forth a myriad of emotions, one of which is guilt. This complex feeling often lurks in the shadows of our minds, hiding yet always subtly present. Guilt is a powerful emotion, particularly for mothers, who frequently juggle love and frustration. As a mother myself, I’ve recently been engulfed in this feeling, especially as I observe my intelligent daughter navigating the challenging waters of anxiety. She experiences physical manifestations, such as stomachaches and sleepless nights, and despite my efforts to help her, I am often left with the nagging thoughts of “It’s my fault” and “I’m not doing enough.”
If we were having coffee, you might shake your head and insist, “It’s not your fault.” You would be correct to an extent; anxiety can stem from genetic predispositions and neurological factors. My daughter has inherited my tendencies to worry, which complicates our situation further.
This leads to a conversation we should have about the difference between belief and worry, between reality and what we fret about. While I recognize that her anxious brain may be wired genetically, I also see how various circumstances have intensified her feelings. I often replay past events in my mind: the need to wean her before she was ready, my unexpected hospitalization, and the early birth of her younger brother, which drew my attention away. Did I have control over these events? No. Do I believe they have impacted her? Yes.
Many parents likely experience similar feelings, especially when it comes to a younger or middle child, but our particular journey has been fraught with additional stressors. It’s a lesson in empathy and sacrifice, isn’t it? As I watch my 6-year-old navigate life—fearless at times yet trembling at others—I long to instill in her the knowledge of her strength and intelligence. Unfortunately, I can’t always be there when she needs reassurance most, like during reading time or spelling lessons.
I compensate by providing love through hugs, nutritious snacks, and support for testing, but I worry that my words of affirmation may get drowned out by the doubts in her mind. I fear she may interpret my love as conditional.
Today, on this rainy Monday, amidst the signed paperwork and meetings with teachers and administrators—everyone linked together to support my daughter—I still worry. I fear she has become so self-reliant that she may resist seeking help. However, these are simply my fears, not my beliefs. I genuinely believe in her capabilities and resilience.
Perhaps we can have discussions about belief versus worry, and how our past experiences shape us. A stomachache due to academic challenges certainly doesn’t define her intelligence. I hope she understands that my support comes without a hidden agenda. I may experience moments of exasperation, but I am always seeking answers and learning alongside her.
I will strive to mute the guilt that whispers in my ear and amplify the positive reinforcement that combats her self-doubt. It is vital for her to realize the world is within her reach and that we can control the flames of anxiety together—not to fuel them, but to transform them into a source of strength and empowerment.
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In summary, parental guilt is common, especially when watching a child struggle with anxiety. By acknowledging our fears while focusing on our beliefs, we can support our children in overcoming their challenges and empower them to embrace their unique qualities.