Travel can sometimes reveal the more challenging aspects of a marriage. Picture this scenario:
“Oh no… I just missed my turn!”
“What do you mean you missed your turn?”
“I mean, I missed my turn.”
“Are you serious?”
“No.”
“Why did that happen?”
“I was talking to the kids.”
“Can’t you follow directions and talk to them at the same time?”
“I didn’t see it coming.”
“Why didn’t you ask for assistance?”
“Because I didn’t need it.”
“Well, it seems you did.”
Though it’s only a ten-minute detour, it feels monumental in our relationship—a mere blip among many others we’ve encountered. We eventually moved past it, but these moments linger, often surfacing unexpectedly.
Currently, my partner and I exist in a state of persistent annoyance with one another. I like to think our frustration is directed towards the energetic children who have taken over our once serene home. Frequently, I find myself inhaling deeply, forcing a smile, and speaking to my kids through clenched teeth. However, my irritation often gets redirected toward my husband, Mark.
I recall a time when I eagerly awaited Mark’s return home, counting down the seconds until I could see him. Nowadays, when he walks through the door, my first thought is, “Finally! Help is here!” But then he wants to kick off his shoes, change his clothes, and use the bathroom.
The other day, my daughter asked, “Mom, don’t you find it amusing that Dad’s an adult, but you tell him how long he can stay in the bathroom?” No, Emma, I don’t find that humorous at all. And I suspect Mark isn’t too thrilled with me either. I can be a bit controlling, occasionally irrational, and often overly emotional. I understand why he might not appreciate me at times. Honestly, even I struggle with self-acceptance during this hectic phase of life.
My primary goal for the next few years is simply to endure. I hope to survive until our three children are in school, capable of handling basic tasks, and understanding why we don’t run into oncoming traffic. If I can make it to that point, perhaps I’ll focus on becoming a better, more pleasant person. Until then, I’m grateful that at the end of each day, Mark is still by my side, and together, we’re weathering this season of parenting young kids.
I have come to realize that there are seasons for everything, and in marriage, this truth resonates deeply. I used to believe that our current circumstances defined our relationship permanently. If we weren’t aligned in the moment, I thought we never would be. If I felt unhappy today, I assumed that happiness would elude me forever.
When we relocated to Budapest, it felt as though we inhabited two separate realities—his was filled with joy, while mine was shadowed by discontent. Each night, it seemed an invisible barrier separated us. We could touch, but our true selves remained distant. I cannot pinpoint when that wall fell; it was not on a specific day or through a dramatic revelation. Rather, it dissolved gradually, until one evening I realized it was gone. We had simply transitioned through a season.
Now, I strive to manage my emotions better and curb my tendency to generalize. I aim to view this current phase as just another season—one that could be joyful, painful, or challenging, yet temporary. By adopting this perspective, I can savor the joyful moments more fully, knowing they are fleeting, and endure the difficult times, understanding they too will eventually pass.
These tough seasons may always linger in our memories, but I believe they will be the ones we look back on with the most affection and pride. “I can’t believe we survived the young kids phase,” Mark will say, as we relax together on the porch. “Or that move to Budapest,” I might respond, wrapping a scarf around my neck (for it’s perpetually autumn in my idyllic flashbacks). But we will cherish the journey we took together.
Over the years, my understanding of love has evolved, and I anticipate it will continue to do so. I now perceive love as a commitment to remain present for one another, even during challenging times. It may not resemble my initial expectations of marriage, but it possesses a beauty all its own. Right now, amid the chaos of raising young children, that is more than sufficient.
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Summary:
This article delves into the evolving seasons of marriage, highlighting the challenges couples face, especially during the hectic years of raising young children. It emphasizes the importance of persistence, understanding, and the beauty of enduring love, even amid difficulties. The piece reflects on personal growth and the realization that each challenging phase is temporary, allowing partners to appreciate their journey together.