My Life Would Not Be Possible Without Feminism

I recently entered into marriage, have two children, own a home, and maintain a full-time career. On the surface, these aspects of my life may not seem extraordinary; perhaps you even share similar experiences. However, if I had been born just fifty years earlier, I would lack many of the rights that now allow me to love freely, make choices about my own body, and possess property.

While I won’t delve into an exhaustive history of feminism—mainly because I’m not well-versed in it—I can confidently assert this: my current life would not exist without the strides made by feminists. In the mid-1800s, women in the United States finally gained the right to own property. This milestone may appear trivial today, but at that time, women were essentially treated as property themselves. Fathers or husbands held ownership over their wives, their land, and their finances. In the case of a husband’s death, a wife might be permitted to claim his property, but she was often powerless to manage it; it was merely her name on the deed, which was actually his name. This situation had profound implications for women’s autonomy.

These historical foundations continue to influence contemporary discussions surrounding issues like pro-choice and marriage equality. They contribute to the objectification of women’s bodies and the outdated practice of fathers “giving away” their daughters during wedding ceremonies. Here’s how this legacy has impacted my life.

Embracing Independence

After completing my college education, I sought employment—a notion that seemed essential for contributing to society beyond homemaking. My job provided me with a salary, which I used to cover my rent, dine out frequently, and yes, even gain a few extra pounds. I enjoyed my independence, and it was liberating. This is the first way I’ve benefited from feminism. Early feminists emphasized the importance of women being able to sustain themselves without a male provider. I owe them my gratitude.

Finding Love and Facing Challenges

While indulging in my newfound freedom—complete with blue cheese and rent payments—I fell in love with a wonderful woman named Alex. She, too, was financially independent, owning her own home and earning her own income. After over a year together, we decided to commit to one another for the long haul. However, we quickly discovered that there were no established laws governing the marriage of two women, leaving us in a legal void.

In lieu of marriage, we pooled our resources and bought property together. We opened a joint bank account, which for most people—including our employers but excluding the government—sufficed to demonstrate our commitment. This allowed us access to benefits like shared health insurance and discounts at local gyms. Nonetheless, we still faced questions about splitting checks at restaurants and, when purchasing a car, I was advised to consult my husband—a suggestion that prompted me to take my business elsewhere. We navigated these challenges with resilience and humor. Ten years and four dogs later, we decided to expand our family.

The Journey to Parenthood

This is where financial resources came into play again. I spent money on medical tests, procedures, and sperm donations, most of which our health insurance did not cover despite being a robust plan. After three years of navigating credit card debt and emotional stress, I welcomed a baby girl into the world, followed by another daughter two years later.

In legal terms, I was recognized as the parent, but Alex was not. Consequently, she had to adopt our children, a process that involved us paying an agency to evaluate our home and relationship to determine her fitness as a parent. I testified in court, affirming that Alex was indeed the other parent, having been present at the births, nurturing our children through sleepless nights, and fiercely defending them against any perceived threat—even from me.

A New Chapter

Then, one fateful day, after my eldest daughter had started kindergarten, I received a phone call from Alex. “The Attorney General is issuing marriage licenses,” she announced.

“How ironic!” I replied. “Do you want to get married again?”

“Not really. But if it matters to you, I will.”

Just a week prior, we had flown to Chicago to marry quietly, anticipating the passage of a same-sex marriage law in Colorado. We rushed to the marriage license office, celebrated our union, and returned home.

Reflections on Feminism

The journey to securing our rights and managing our property has been immensely challenging. Our earnings amount to 76 cents for every dollar a man would earn for similar work. We have endured bureaucratic hurdles that might have been more effortlessly navigated had we been a heterosexual couple with a house and children. Despite these challenges, I remain deeply appreciative of what I have achieved; many individuals face far greater obstacles.

When public figures like Emma Thompson, Olivia Wilde, and Carrie Underwood express uncertainty about identifying as feminists, I encourage them to reflect on their luxuries—be it mansions, diamonds, or lucrative contracts. They should consider if they would prefer these privileges to revert to their fathers or brothers because women shouldn’t own property; they should merely be property. The choice is theirs. And that choice—the very essence of having options—is the foundation of feminism.

Summary

This article explores the author’s personal experiences and reflections on how feminist movements have shaped her life. It highlights the impact of historical progress in women’s rights, including property ownership and the ability to make personal choices regarding relationships and family. The author emphasizes gratitude for the rights she enjoys today, while also acknowledging the ongoing challenges that women face in society.