The image of Mark Sullivan on the living room floor resembles something from the present rather than the 1970s or even earlier decades. In contrast to my father and his peers, who rarely engaged with their children on such an intimate level, today’s fathers are much more hands-on.
Certainly, the cultural shifts brought about by the women’s liberation movement have influenced these changes. In many suburban areas, the notion of a father actively participating in childcare was not prevalent. My father’s generation often saw their role as solely the breadwinner, leaving the caretaking responsibilities to the mothers.
Reflecting on my own father, I see a young man of 22, much like today’s youth, lounging in a casual outfit and likely recovering from a night out. Yet, what sets him apart is the image of him cradling my older sister, an act that, by today’s standards, seems both endearing and alarming. At that age, entrusting him with a child was questionable, to say the least.
Now in his 70s, my father has never boiled a pot of water or changed a diaper. My mother recounts a story of returning home from shopping to find me in a soggy onesie, a testament to my father’s reluctance to engage in diaper duty. While that can be seen as a humorous anecdote, it pales in comparison to a neighbor who was called home from a social event because he couldn’t handle a crying child.
My most vivid memories of my dad involve our outings to the local fairgrounds, where he’d use the space as his personal driving range—hitting golf balls while we scampered after them. On Sunday evenings, we took turns pampering him while he watched 60 Minutes, a routine that served as both bonding time and a playful way to combat the stigma of having a bald father.
Regrettably, my father has also never read a book to any child, which I find profoundly sad. The simple pleasure of reading to a child is something I cherish deeply. Yet, when we’re at my parents’ home and my partner, Ryan, reads to our daughter in the morning, I can’t help but wonder what my father thinks. I frequently imagine my dad perceiving Ryan’s parental involvement as a sign of weakness, a misguided impression I try to shield him from.
Ryan is aware of this generational tension. We consciously steer clear of political discussions with my father and maintain an unspoken agreement that he can adopt a more traditional role when visiting. I remember a particular trip where Ryan struggled to fit both the baby stroller and his golf bag into our car, ultimately deciding to leave the stroller behind.
Despite the generational divide, Ryan is deeply involved in our daughter’s life. He wakes up early to prepare her breakfast and takes her on adventures to explore the beach. The question I should reflect on isn’t just about my father’s opinion; it’s about my mother’s, who sees Ryan as a true hero in parenting.
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In summary, the contrast between traditional and modern parenting styles highlights a significant generational shift. While my father embodied a distant father figure, my partner represents the engaged dad of today. This evolution in fatherhood reflects broader societal changes and emphasizes the importance of involvement in child-rearing.