If you’ve ever found yourself preparing multiple goody bags for a child’s birthday bash or endured the sight of your young one struggling with hand cramps as they scrawl the same few sentences onto 25 separate thank you cards, then you likely understand the overwhelming urge to do something drastic, such as banging your head against a wall.
Why do we subject ourselves to this madness? I have a theory: there exists a clandestine group of ambitious mothers whose primary goal is to create unrealistic social standards that leave the rest of us feeling inadequate. This secret society is presumably funded by greeting card companies and those toy manufacturers that produce frustratingly complicated items (like the miniature soldiers with parachutes that inevitably end up in the trash after a single chaotic play session).
Let’s call this organization “The Committee for the Imposition of Unrealistic Parenting Expectations,” or simply “The Expectations Committee” for short. Ordinary mothers, understandably, are not members of this elite group, which is why ludicrous ideas like goody bags and thank-you cards are easily approved.
If a few regular moms were to infiltrate a meeting of this committee and goody bags came up for discussion, here’s how it might unfold: One mom might stand up and exclaim, “You expect me to spend $200 on a bounce house and then another $50 on a bag of trinkets for each child? Are you serious?” The committee members would exchange wary glances and respond, “Well, how else can we ensure everyone feels inferior?”
As the tension escalates, the ordinary mother might retort, “Haven’t I already done enough by cleaning, decorating, and hosting? Isn’t that sufficient?” At that moment, the committee would realize something is off because regular mothers don’t typically use phrases like “sufficient.” To avoid any disruption, they would hastily vote on the goody bag issue, likely ignoring the dissenters.
Imagine the chaos that would ensue: chairs flying, mothers shouting, and mayhem erupting as the ordinary moms fight against the committee’s absurdity. The committee members would be left reeling, realizing that their meetings might not be as secure as they believed.
But alas, this scenario is merely a whimsical fantasy. In reality, ordinary moms are excluded from these secretive gatherings where significant decisions are made that affect our family celebrations without our consent.
However, we can unite and take a stand against these unreasonable expectations. I hereby declare: I will no longer create goody bags or force my child to pen thank you cards! Instead, I will rent an epic bounce house, whip up some delicious strawberry cupcakes (even if they come from a box), order pizza, and entertain your child for a few hours. When you return from your pampering session, I’ll greet you with a genuine hug, and my child will offer a heartfelt verbal thank you. And you, being an understanding mom, will respond with, “No, thank you!”
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Summary
In conclusion, the pressure to conform to social expectations around goody bags and thank you cards is overwhelming for many ordinary mothers. By banding together, we can resist these unnecessary burdens and focus on what truly matters—creating joyful experiences for our children.