As I observe my daughter, Lily, and her friend Mia playing together, I am reminded of the beauty of their innocence. At just 8 and 9 years old, they are engaged in a delightful game of salon, blissfully unaware that this simple act of doing each other’s hair is a precursor to the complexities of beauty standards. For them, it’s merely two friends enjoying a sleepover—no competition, no judgment, and no jealousy. Their laughter fills the room, and even when they bicker, their disagreements are quickly resolved.
Yet, amidst this joyful scene, my thoughts drift to my work as a counselor. I can’t help but envision these girls five years down the line, possibly sitting in my office, grappling with anxiety and isolation. They might feel scared to face the world, blaming themselves for the pressures that come with being a teenager. They look to me for guidance, hoping for the words to help them navigate the harsh realities they might face.
I try to step away from that sobering vision and return to the present moment where these young girls are free from the burdens of self-doubt and insecurity. They trust one another, openly sharing their feelings without fear of repercussions. There’s no worry that their words will be twisted or used against them. They uplift each other, reinforcing their friendship without the weight of societal expectations.
These girls are still blissfully unaware of social media platforms like Snapchat or Instagram. They haven’t experienced the harmful dynamics of online bullying or the pressure of maintaining a public image. Concepts like “backstabbing” are foreign to them; they are still learning about the world and its complexities. They don’t know the pain of self-harm or the darkness of suicidal thoughts. Their sense of self remains intact—they believe their bodies belong to them, and they have the power to say “no” and establish boundaries.
Their mantra is simple yet powerful: “I am a girl. I am smart and strong. I can do anything.” As I work with teenage girls in my practice, I often think of Lily and her friends, imagining their resilience and potential. For over a decade, I have sat with young women who struggle to see their own beauty and worth. They face a world that often tells them they are not enough, and it pains me to witness their struggles.
I often wonder when this shift occurs. At what point do girls begin to doubt themselves and internalize negative messages from others? On difficult days, I remind them to reconnect with that sense of belief they had as young girls, brushing each other’s hair and sharing secrets. They need to remember that there are still friendships that can be nurturing and supportive, and that they are indeed enough.
While writing this, I hear giggles from the next room—Lily and Mia are sharing secrets under a pile of blankets, free from judgment and negativity. I sneak a peek and see them illuminated by a flashlight, writing in a diary that reflects their dreams and aspirations. Their words convey a world where girls are strong, kind, confident, and happy. This glimpse restores my faith that we can help shape a different future for our daughters.
I come across a passage they’ve written, and it resonates deeply. It’s a reminder of the simple joys of being a young girl. “I am a girl. I am funny, clever, good at dancing and climbing trees, and a loyal friend. I have a bright smile. I like myself,” Mia reads aloud. For the first time in a while, I see a smile light up her face. A tear rolls down her cheek as she expresses a desire to feel that way again.
In these moments, I find hope. We have the power to foster a world where our daughters can thrive, embracing their identities without fear.
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Summary
This article reflects on the innocence of childhood friendships and the challenges that teenage girls face as they grow up. It emphasizes the importance of self-worth and the power of supportive relationships. Ultimately, it serves as a reminder for parents and mentors to foster environments where young girls can thrive, embracing their identities with confidence.