It began with a lump. Initially, I felt no cause for concern; I had experienced a benign cyst in a similar area the previous year. I contacted my doctor and scheduled an appointment. During my visit to the OBGYN, the nurse practitioner examined the lump and suggested it felt like the same benign cyst, recommending a wait-and-watch approach for 3-6 months. However, I insisted on an ultrasound. Thank goodness I did.
The ultrasound indicated two areas of concern, prompting a biopsy. The procedure was challenging as they struggled to numb the area properly, leaving me to feel the needle’s prick. Afterward, I was told that the results looked benign, and I found reassurance in the statistic that 90% of biopsies in women my age yield benign results. My husband, Mark, and I felt a wave of relief.
The following day, while out shopping, I received a phone call that changed everything. One spot was identified as a benign fibroid, but the other was diagnosed as invasive ductal carcinoma. That moment, the day before Thanksgiving, is etched in my memory. Mark and I embraced as we absorbed the devastating news. I immediately called my mother to share the truth, apologizing for the burden this news placed on our family. Witnessing their pain has been incredibly difficult; I felt as though I had robbed them of their joy. My father took our children to shield them from our emotional turmoil while Mark and I held each other and cried, making a silent vow that I would not abandon him.
There have been moments when I’ve thought, “This just isn’t fair.” However, upon reflection, I realize it is fair. My life has been filled with blessings. I often find myself thinking, “Something must go wrong; life is too good.”
I grew up in a loving environment, with parents who prioritized my brother and me. They embody silliness, generosity, honesty, and intuitively know what I need. My brother has always been fiercely loyal. Every need I’ve had has been met. I received a quality education, traveled internationally, and formed meaningful connections with diverse individuals who accepted me unconditionally. I fell in love with my soulmate and have a job I am passionate about, one I would still pursue even without compensation.
I see the light of divinity in the world where others may perceive darkness. Most days, I feel content and dream boldly, unafraid to take risks. I have run long distances and penned poetry that I cherish. My home feels warm and inviting, filled with neighbors who share wine and kindness. I am surrounded by friends who inspire me to embrace joy and silliness. Most importantly, I am the mother of two incredible boys who fill my life with magic and love every day.
Engaging with at-risk youth has given me a vivid perspective on what true unfairness is. It’s being judged based on skin color, attire, or sexual orientation. It’s experiencing abuse or living in hunger. I recognize what unfairness looks like.
Having cancer is undeniably difficult; it truly is. But I don’t view it as unfair. It is a part of life—my life. I am equipped to face this challenge with a top-notch medical team, a robust support network, health insurance, and an unwavering determination to overcome it. And I will.
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Summary:
Navigating cancer can be a harrowing experience, yet it is essential to recognize the blessings in life that provide strength during such challenges. This article reflects on personal experiences, familial support, and the understanding that while cancer is tough, it does not equate to unfairness when viewed through the lens of gratitude and perspective.