In the realm of parenting, particularly when it comes to establishing a consistent bedtime routine, I must admit that I fall short of the mark. In layman’s terms, I tend to be lenient. Requests for “just five more minutes” or “one last story” seldom meet with refusal, and I often find myself giving in to my child’s demands. Perhaps if I were parenting alone, my approach might differ, but I doubt it.
My son, Jack, spends two to three nights a week at my home, and those evenings and mornings are precious to me. While there are certainly moments of exasperation—like his reluctance to brush his teeth or his refusal to get out of bed—these challenges likely mirror my own behavior at his age. I tend to ride the wave rather than fight against it.
On nights when Jack is with his other parent, our routine shifts. Five years ago, when I embarked on the journey of co-parenting, I made a commitment that my son would hear “I love you” every single day. Regardless of the circumstances, I believed it was vital for him to hear my voice. While some might argue that this was more for my own reassurance than his, it was a promise I made to myself.
Back then, I was using a basic phone and Jack was just four years old. Our daily interactions mostly consisted of brief phone calls, as neither of us had access to video chat technology, and he wasn’t particularly fond of talking on the phone. The timing of our calls was intentionally set away from bedtime to avoid reminding him of our separation just before sleep.
Now, as technology has advanced, so has our communication. Just last weekend, I had a long day filled with driving and unexpected challenges. I settled down to relax when my phone rang. It was Jack, using FaceTime from his tablet, simply wanting to say hello. I paused what I was doing and settled in for a brief virtual tuck-in.
After a delightful 20-minute chat where we watched him play with his action figures, I gently reminded him it was time to prepare for bed. His other parent echoed my suggestion from the background. However, Jack immediately called back, now snuggled in his bed but still wide awake. This led to another ten minutes of conversation, which warmed my heart despite the reality that it was getting late.
As I found myself caught between wanting to watch my show and cherishing our connection, I realized the complexity of parenting from a distance. My instinct to compensate for our separation often complicates setting boundaries. The challenge of enforcing a bedtime is amplified when physical distance is involved, making it harder to navigate the emotional landscape of co-parenting.
This experience highlighted a few important points. I tend to struggle with the impulse to respond to messages immediately, especially when it comes to Jack. Texting creates a permanent record of our exchanges, which sometimes makes it harder to assert authority. In a world where our communication is documented, the fear of being perceived as dismissive weighs heavily on my decisions. This balancing act between affection and structure can be daunting—especially when distance adds another layer of complexity.
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In summary, navigating co-parenting while maintaining meaningful connections with children can be challenging, particularly when it comes to establishing a bedtime routine. Technology can bridge the gap, but it can also complicate the parent-child dynamics, making it essential to find a balance between affection and structure.