In recent times, there has been a surge in articles discussing the needs of new mothers, often accompanied by aesthetically pleasing images of care packages filled with various items like nipple cream and keepsake molds of baby feet. However, as someone who welcomed a child into my life not too long ago, I feel these portrayals can be a bit misleading.
When my daughter was born, I didn’t yearn for those elaborate gifts. Most essentials had already been purchased during the long, tedious wait leading up to her arrival. Instead of focusing on curated care packages, here are ten essential guidelines to keep in mind when visiting a new mom. She may not vocalize these desires, but they are crucial to her well-being.
- Bring Food: Whether or not I’m fortunate enough to have friends coordinating meal deliveries, I am always hungry. After the marathon of childbirth, I need sustenance. Bring breakfast, lunch, snacks—anything to help keep my energy up.
- Compliment My Appearance: I might feel far from glamorous. A little white lie about how radiant I look can go a long way in boosting my spirits. It’s vital to ease the self-doubt that creeps in after childbirth.
- Engage with Older Siblings: If there are older kids in the family, they can be overwhelming. While they may be excited about the new baby, I would appreciate it if you could entertain them for a while. This will allow me some peaceful bonding time with my newborn.
- Help with Chores: Instead of asking how you can assist, simply take the initiative. Washing dishes, tidying up, or making the bed can be incredibly helpful. However, please avoid doing laundry, as I might feel uncomfortable with that level of intimacy.
- Follow My Lead on Sharing Stories: I may want to share my birth experience or prefer to skip over it. A simple question like “How did it go?” will give me the chance to open up or change the subject as needed.
- Don’t Compete with My Birth Story: Every childbirth experience is unique and challenging in its own right. If I choose to share my story, it deserves to take center stage without comparisons to others.
- Refrain from Judging My Birth Choices: I might be sensitive about my decisions, especially if they differ from yours. I appreciate encouragement and understanding rather than judgment.
- Avoid Critiquing My Parenting Decisions: While you may not intend to, it’s easy for new moms to feel judged about their choices, from feeding methods to sleep arrangements. Please keep your opinions to yourself unless my child’s safety is at risk.
- Offer Advice Only When Requested: Even if you have extensive experience, unsolicited advice can feel undermining. I need to feel like the expert on my baby, so save your suggestions unless I ask for them.
- Respect My Timeline: The transition into motherhood is complex and lengthy. It’s essential to understand that I might need ongoing support and patience well beyond the initial weeks.
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In summary, visiting a new mom requires sensitivity, understanding, and a willingness to support her in her new role. The focus should be on her immediate needs rather than assumptions about what she might like or need.