By: Ava Johnson
Yesterday afternoon, my 9-year-old son embraced me in a way that felt profound. He wrapped his slender arms around my waist, leaned in, and rested his head gently against my chest, staying there for a moment of peace. It was akin to hugging a butterfly. Normally, butterflies flit from flower to flower, briefly landing before darting away again. My son embodies that same kinetic energy—always in motion.
His dialogue bursts forth in a rapid stream, and he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, often punctuated by spontaneous hops. His gaze frequently drifts away, distracted by the world around him. When engaged with his computer, his brief moments of stillness are interrupted by quick dashes to the window or back to his chair; he simply cannot remain stationary. He literally bounces off the walls.
His hugs are typically brief and stiff, resembling a cat that prefers not to be picked up. While I appreciate every hug I can get, they come few and far between.
As he navigates fourth grade, the same issues recur year after year. His daily planner often notes that he struggles to follow instructions, is disruptive, and has difficulty remaining seated. The comments never change—only the handwriting evolves as the years and teachers pass. This incredibly intelligent child, who at five asked me to buy ammonium dichromate for a volcano project and who was programming computers by age seven, has been reduced to “that kid” in school. The one who’s always out of his seat and poking at others’ papers. But he is not “that kid.” His challenges overshadow his remarkable potential, and it’s heartbreaking.
“Sad” doesn’t adequately capture the deep ache I feel as I witness my son facing constant frustration and negativity rather than encouragement. I can only imagine how difficult it is for him. I often want to urge him to simply do what is expected: “Just sit still and listen!” But I refrain because, for reasons beyond his control, he struggles to comply.
We’ve watched his enthusiasm for school diminish, his innate curiosity dimming with each passing year. Despite our best efforts—altering his diet, experimenting with various disciplinary strategies, and employing positive reinforcement—we’ve failed to find an effective solution. It’s disheartening to see him grapple with these issues.
I wish for his teachers to recognize the incredible child we see during his moments of calm. I’ve tried countless times to convey that he is so much more than his behavior suggests. I know he can be challenging, but I ask them to see beyond those struggles and appreciate the sweet, brilliant boy he truly is.
At a recent parent-teacher meeting, it was suggested that he might be on the autism spectrum. We consulted a psychologist specializing in childhood disorders for a comprehensive evaluation. The diagnosis ultimately revealed that he has attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Initially, I found myself disappointed. I had previously viewed ADHD as a euphemism for a child who simply couldn’t control their behavior, as if it were a blanket diagnosis for active kids. I feared that medicating him would merely serve to suppress his spirit, transforming him into an emotionless shell. Not my child.
I firmly stated to his therapist, “He may have ADHD, but we’re not putting him on meds.” We attempted various non-medicated strategies instead, with his therapist teaching him focus techniques and his teacher allowing him to take breaks and use a bouncy ball instead of a chair. These adaptations provided temporary relief but ultimately fell short.
As Colin continued to struggle, we felt exhausted—he most of all. Eventually, we reluctantly considered medication, the one option we had been hesitant to explore. His therapist, pediatrician, and teacher all supported this decision. “Let’s start with a very low dose,” I insisted, worriedly. “If there’s any negative effect, we will stop immediately.”
We took that step. On his first day of medication, I monitored him closely. I reached out to his school, informing them of the change and asking them to observe him closely.
When he emerged from school that afternoon, he walked directly to the car—no usual dawdling. He was smiling. Upon arriving home, he hung up his coat and backpack, completed his homework in ten minutes without fuss, and received positive feedback from his teacher. We even engaged in a conversation—perhaps the longest we’ve had in years—without him bouncing around.
And that hug? It was extraordinary. For the first time in what felt like forever, he seemed genuinely relaxed—not in a disconnected way, but as if a weight had been lifted from him. “I feel so much better, Mom,” he said. “Why couldn’t we have done this from the start?”
Why indeed? We were hesitant to be labeled as parents who resorted to medication to quiet our child. We believed we were taking the “easy route.”
But we misunderstood the true nature of ADHD and the potential benefits of medication. It can help quiet the chaos in his mind and body, allowing him to be who he truly is. In fearing to be perceived as poor parents, we inadvertently delayed the support he needed.
I recently found a paper he wrote that brilliantly illustrates his thought processes: “The brain! Did you know you can survive without part of your brain? Answer this: 1+6=? You just used your cortex! The Loch Ness Monster! I think it’s a dinosaur still alive. And by dinosaur, I mean water dino.” Now, he can focus on topics like brains, dinosaurs, or even the science behind salt, each individually. I’m eager to see the progress he makes at school, where he now approaches each day with renewed optimism and hope.
Those hugs have become more meaningful. I look into his calm blue eyes, and he gazes back at me, allowing me to savor the warmth of his embrace—a moment I cherish.
In summary, the journey of parenting a child with ADHD can be filled with challenges and misunderstandings. Embracing medication has transformed my son’s experience, allowing him to thrive and reconnect with his true self. His progress is a testament to the importance of understanding and support in addressing ADHD.
For further insights on parenting and fertility, check out our informative resources on home insemination kits and fertility.