In recent discussions about the costs associated with hosting children, a notable incident involved a family billing another for a child who did not attend a birthday celebration. This sparked consideration of the financial implications of entertaining kids, prompting me to compile a list of expenses I will be invoicing other families. Here are some examples:
- 87 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches produced for your child, who only took a single bite before discarding them.
- 800 kilowatt-hours of electricity consumed while powering the gaming system.
- The three “essential” video games for the console that my children learned about from yours.
- Carpooling expenses including mileage, fuel, and depreciation of my vehicle. (This van is aging rapidly!)
- My billable hours for the playdate during which you chose to “stay for a bit longer.”
- Plumbing services billed at holiday rates for a toilet that became clogged.
- Six rolls of toilet paper that your child attempted to flush.
- Various art supplies that, while not used for any constructive projects, were irreparably damaged.
- 18 rolls of paper towels utilized in attempts to teach your child how to properly use a drinking glass.
- An endless supply of Goldfish snacks.
- A case of ZBars that mysteriously vanished.
- The living room rug, which your child deemed “not that great anyway.”
- The wine consumed to recuperate from your visit.
- 367 Magic Erasers purchased to combat various messes.
- Replacement balls, all of which have either been sent over the fence or disappeared.
- One gallon of ice cream that was deemed “too chocolatey” and ended up melting on the kitchen counter.
- Two cups of hot chocolate that were also criticized for excessive chocolate and left to cool on the coffee table.
- A bag of microwave popcorn I had reserved for my personal time, which your child discovered and burned.
- 300 gallons of water wasted during an incident in July 2014 when the garden hose was left running for five hours.
- Six boxes of Band-Aids and three tubes of Neosporin (despite my warnings to your child about ingesting it).
- Three days at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica.
While we accept credit, cash is preferred. Due to the PTA wrapping paper incident of 2012, personal checks cannot be accepted. Please ensure payment is made before sending your children over again.
For more insights on family expenses and home management, check out our other blog posts, such as this informative piece on terms and conditions. If you’re exploring options for at-home insemination, consider visiting this resource for artificial insemination kits.
Summary:
This article humorously details the various expenses incurred from hosting children, suggesting that these costs could be billed to other families. From food waste to damages, the list serves as a tongue-in-cheek reminder of the financial burdens that come with parenting.