It’s a frequent occurrence I encounter when others learn the ages of my children. Whether it’s during casual conversations with strangers, getting acquainted with fellow parents at school events, or offering empathy to a mom battling a toddler, the reactions are often similar.
“Wait, how old are you?”
While I recognize that people don’t intend any harm, it can become rather tiresome. Yes, I am younger than the majority of parents with tweens. When they discover that I’m “only” 28, I often feel compelled to clarify that my 12-year-old is my stepson, just to avoid any awkward math calculations that might ensue.
I was not a teenager when I had my first child; I was 19, which is still quite young, but not as shocking as one might think. Even if I had been 16, is it truly anyone’s business? I attend basketball games, orchestra performances, parent-teacher meetings, and dental appointments just like any other parent. I’m invested in my children’s education, the internet, dating, college choices, and managing bills, just like you.
I understand that your comments are likely well-meaning. Many people intend the “Oh my goodness, you’re so young” remark as a compliment (I suppose I might appreciate it in a decade). However, here are a few reasons why you, a stranger, should reconsider your surprise when you learn my age:
- If you think I’m too young to have kids, it’s hard not to feel frustrated. The reality is, I do have children, and they are older than yours. You’re not the first to notice this fact.
- Would you dare ask a woman who seems to be in her forties, managing young children, about her age? No? You would consider that rude, right?
- “When I was your age…” Well, when I reach your age, my children will be in their twenties. It’s not looking like such a bad plan now, is it?
- Such comments undermine my capability as a parent. Just because I became a mother at a young age doesn’t mean I’m any less committed or capable than you. It feels as though you assume someone my age is overwhelmed or immature.
- Historically, girls were often married at 16 and having children soon after. While that may not be the ideal today, it’s essential to maintain perspective on generational differences.
- Although I might be tempted to retort with “No, you’re just old,” I would never stoop to that level.
Let’s respect each other’s journeys. The age at which we become parents—be it 19, 27, or 42—is irrelevant. We are all navigating this path together. Besides, you might even learn something from me; it wasn’t too long ago that I was a child myself.
In summary, while comments about my age may stem from good intentions, they can inadvertently diminish my role as a parent. We should focus on the shared experiences of parenting rather than age.
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