Menu: Parenting
Embrace the Unique Roles in Your Life
One of the most insightful parenting resources I’ve come across is the book “How to Communicate So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Communicate” by Faber and Mazlish. This book is not only beneficial for parents but also offers valuable lessons applicable to adult interactions. A compelling section discusses how to respond to a child who claims, “You love Alex more than me!” The authors argue that saying “I love you both equally” fails to resonate because we all desire to feel uniquely cherished. They illustrate this with an adult scenario: When a wife asks her husband, “Who do you love more, your mother or me?” she isn’t seeking a diplomatic answer. Instead, he responds, “My mother is my mother. You are the captivating, wonderful partner I want to share my life with.” Now that’s a response that acknowledges individuality!
Provide Perspective in Difficult Moments
In the days leading up to my wedding, I experienced significant anxiety over the details and potential mishaps. My greatest fear? That my veil would somehow detach during the ceremony. After listening to my worries, my mother wisely observed, “Often, the mishaps create the most memorable moments.” This perspective was incredibly soothing.
Encourage Self-Discovery
In Piers Anthony’s fantasy novel, “A Spell for Chameleon”, the character Bink is troubled by his uncertainty about his magical abilities. To find clarity, he consults the Good Magician Humpfrey, who will answer his question in exchange for a year of service. During his time there, Bink encounters a manticore nearing the end of its term: “What was your question?” Bink inquires. “I wanted to know if I possess a soul,” the creature replies. “What was the answer?” Bink asks. “That only those who have souls ponder such questions.” The manticore reflects, “I realized I didn’t need a simple answer; I required a perspective that illuminated the truth for myself. Now, I am certain.”
Distinguish Between Major and Minor Issues
My partner and I collaborated on a project with a group, and one individual mistakenly hit “reply all” when forwarding a message meant only for us. He sent a follow-up note expressing his regret. My partner’s response was perfectly succinct: “We’ve all been there.” Upon reflection, I recognized that these kinds of replies are satisfying because they validate emotions. Phrases like “Don’t worry” or “Everything will be okay” dismiss genuine feelings of concern. Whether or not someone should feel anxious, their emotions are real in that moment. Instead, people often seek an empathetic ear and a fresh perspective.
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Summary
Effective communication is key in nurturing relationships, whether with children or adults. Acknowledging individuality, providing perspective, encouraging self-discovery, and validating feelings are essential components of meaningful interactions. By fostering these practices, we can enhance our connections and create a supportive environment.