As I prepare for an evening out, my children are fed, bathed, and tucked in for the night. I’ve managed to apply my makeup, albeit with a few smudges from my usual absence of practice. Dressed in my best, stain-free attire, I’m ready for a much-needed escape with my partner. Before heading out, I provide the babysitter, Emily, with my final set of instructions. However, what she interprets may not align with my true intentions.
What I Say: Feel free to snack from the kitchen.
What I Mean: Go ahead and indulge in the fresh veggies, as my kids have no interest in them. The pasta is also yours to enjoy; I buy it in bulk since it’s the only meal my daughter consistently eats. However, I’d advise against the graham crackers in the pantry—they’ve been there so long they might have developed their own ecosystem. Oh, and under no circumstances should you touch the hidden chocolate behind the canned goods. I keep a close eye on that stash, and trust me, you’ll regret it if you even glance at it.
What I Say: You can have a friend over.
What I Mean: Sure, you can invite a friend—ideally someone who enjoys cleaning. Do you know any cleaning professionals who might be interested in scrubbing yogurt off the walls? Perhaps a friend who can help you lift the couch for a good vacuuming? A bonus awaits if you manage to identify the mysterious odor emanating from the toy box.
What I Say: She should be asleep while you’re here.
What I Mean: Emphasis on the word “should.” Though my two-year-old daughter theoretically should sleep soundly, expect her to knock on the door every ten minutes and excitedly announce, “Me awake! Me play!” While I hope you can return her to bed, I apologize for the potential chorus of “I’m not sleepy!” that you’ll endure.
What I Say: Watch anything you prefer on Netflix.
What I Mean: Feel free to choose whatever you like, but please don’t judge my viewing history. My days are spent helping cartoon characters, so once the kids are asleep, I indulge in less-than-family-friendly shows. If you see violent films in my recently watched section, rest assured it’s merely my form of relaxation after a long day.
What I Say: We won’t be out too late.
What I Mean: We haven’t had a date night in ages, and we plan to make the most of it. After dinner and a movie, we might find ourselves lounging in a parking lot just to prolong our time away. There’s even a chance we have an overnight bag stashed in the trunk for an impromptu adventure. Do you offer a weekly rate?
What I Say: Call me if you have questions.
What I Mean: The only inquiry you should have is about major emergencies. If my son is still breathing and no blood is involved, I really don’t need to know about it. Refrain from calling about ice cream or my daughter’s seventh cup of water; you’re the babysitter now!
In summary, the nuances of babysitting instructions often carry unspoken meanings that reflect the realities of parenting. For those navigating similar challenges, consider exploring resources on home insemination, such as this informative blog, which discusses related topics. Additionally, for insights on artificial insemination, check out this authority on the subject. If you’re interested in fertility treatments, this excellent resource can provide further guidance.