What’s wrong with you that your mind constantly wanders to scenarios where you mess up or fail to uphold a commitment, and it’s always someone else’s fault? Don’t be too hard on yourself; this is common.
Actually, it’s not as common as you think. Your thoughts often revolve around how others are just as flawed as you, but you’re the only one willing to confront it. In reality, others aren’t as flawed; perhaps you are the one who needs to reevaluate. This is precisely why you need to dedicate 2.5 hours to meditation.
Oh, come on—do you really need to? No one is keeping score here. You find it frustrating that the meditation community clings to the idea that they can atone for their missteps through meditation while acting as if they possess some profound purpose. You’re not special.
Stop being so harsh on yourself.
But if you let up, you might just remain a jerk forever.
Good point.
You’re not wearing a bra. Is that a way to honor the sacredness of the universe?
Ugh, your parking is atrocious. Is the person next to you laughing at it? Oh, it’s just that guy—he doesn’t care.
Oh no, they’re doing warm-ups before this session. Why do these hardcore types have to run the show? They need someone more easygoing like you to lead this.
Just take your time setting up your blankets and mat; maybe then you can skip this part. Okay, rolling your neck isn’t too difficult—you can manage that.
Oh, everyone has their eyes closed now. You can stop worrying.
Ek Ong Kar. Sat Nam. Siri. Wahe Guru.
How many minutes have gone by? How long does it take to complete one round of the mantra? Perhaps if you calculate that, you can keep track and make this less tedious. Do this for about half an hour, and then you can recline.
Oh, two people are already lying down. You can do that too! Oh wait, they are kids. You can’t be the only adult lying down besides children.
About half an hour has passed. You could lie down for maybe 40 minutes then get up for the last stretch. No, you can’t do that.
You could totally get away with it.
Wow, you really zonked out for a while. You can use the restroom now. Whoa, it’s 6:45! We’ll be wrapping up soon. You could realistically dash to the bathroom, return, recite Ek Ong Kar. Sat Nam. Siri. Wahe Guru a few times, and then be home and asleep in five minutes. That’s impressive.
Stare at the clock intensely because you’re likely pretty exhausted. No, it’s definitely 6:45. This is fantastic; you were not fully present during much of the meditation, but that’s not entirely your fault. Wow, you didn’t scold yourself for being lazy. Is that some form of progress? Did the meditation make a difference already?
Okay, at least 15 minutes have passed. What’s taking these people so long? Are they planning to keep you here forever? You can’t lie down again. Just say “Ek Ong Kar. Sat Nam. Siri. Wahe Guru” ten more times and then you’ll be done. You have to be. You saw the clock! You’re probably just misjudging time because it feels like it’s crawling.
Someone else just arrived. Oh my goodness, it’s Casey. She said she’d arrive around 6:15. Wait, is it 6:15? No, it can’t be. Casey just miscalculated her timing. Don’t look at the clock.
Oh my God, it is 6:15.
Go chant again. You’ve got this. Great job!
Finally, another adult lies down. Oh great, she’s pregnant. Of course, they get all the perks. You have to keep sitting upright. You have to. Okay, just lie down for one moment. But then you must sit up and chant again. Just keep chanting; it’s not too bad.
Just lie down for five minutes, and then you can get up.
Did she say “last one”? Sit up quickly—maybe no one will notice you were lying down.
“Ek Ong Kar. Sat Nam. Siri. Wahe Guru.” You did it.
You didn’t achieve much. You were asleep most of the time.
Leave me alone; at least you showed up.
Is that enough? Just showing up?
It will have to be, as that’s pretty much all you ever do.
Fair enough.
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In conclusion, meditation can often lead to a flurry of self-critical thoughts, but acknowledging these thoughts and showing up for yourself is a significant step forward. It’s a process, and sometimes, just being present is enough.