When children begin school and they no longer require a nanny’s services, responsible parents typically make an effort to help the caregiver find new employment. They often turn to community boards to post about their “incredible nanny,” a term that has been frequently observed in these discussions.
Upon examining the community board, I discovered 519 mentions of “incredible nanny,” yet there were no references to terms like fantastic, great, or even good. A quick search online for “incredible nanny” yields about 28,000 results, including endorsements from celebrities and advertisements from various agencies. Desirable traits such as punctuality, reliability, and warmth seem to be overshadowed by the emphasis on the term “incredible.” This phrase has become a linguistic phenomenon, serving as a phrase that conveys an exaggerated sense of admiration, reflecting the inflationary nature of contemporary language.
Why Is “Incredible Nanny” So Prevalent?
Why is “incredible nanny” so prevalent in these posts? I reached out to Dr. Clara Thompson, a sociology professor and author of a study on caregiving dynamics. She suggested that while parents may genuinely feel their nanny is incredible, using such a term often serves to alleviate the guilt associated with the low wages that caregivers typically earn. Parents may intuitively recognize the financial vulnerability of their caregivers, many of whom have dependents, and thus label them as “incredible” in an effort to lessen their own sense of responsibility for the precarious job situation. This also serves to show potential employers that they are actively trying to help their caregiver find new work.
The Anxieties of Parenting
Is there any facet of parenting that doesn’t come with its own set of anxieties and guilt? I was recently offered a full-time position but had to decline, largely due to guilt. I had interviewed two nannies whom I knew to be attentive caregivers, but both were undocumented. This left me uneasy about the legal implications and the challenge of performing background checks. I felt apprehensive about leaving my children for long hours with individuals who lacked formal credentials or valid identification. The power dynamics weighed heavily on me; even though we would have paid a fair wage, I was aware that we would be contributing to a system that often exploits immigrant women. I was also conflicted about wanting to return to work—why wasn’t I content as a full-time mother? The accompanying resentment stemmed from the realization that the bulk of my paycheck would simply go toward nanny costs.
Consequently, I turned down the job offer, declined the potential nannies, and continued to juggle my responsibilities while working during evenings and nap times, a solution that proved unsustainable for everyone involved—the nannies in need of work, myself, and my children who were cared for by overtired parents.
Frustrations with Caregivers
Interestingly, while many parents describe their nanny as “incredible,” they often voice frustrations about their performance. In conversations, I’ve heard complaints regarding tardiness, lack of initiative, and excessive phone use. Dr. Thompson, who spent significant time studying the caregiving community, pointed out that this perception often parallels societal views toward women and caregiving roles—much like how some husbands undervalue the contributions of stay-at-home mothers.
Culturally, caregivers have historically been marginalized, often excluded from labor protections like overtime pay and minimum wage guarantees. New regulations for home-care workers have been delayed. These positions, situated within private homes, often lack oversight, making workers susceptible to exploitation. Written agreements are uncommon, and even those who are compensated fairly may experience job gaps that make saving for retirement difficult. Dr. Thompson notes that parents frequently fail to respect the time and effort their caregivers invest, often expecting them to take on additional tasks without extra compensation.
The Dilemma of Expectations
Should I have accepted the job and hired a nanny, I might have fallen prey to the same inflated standards. The expectations of paying a high wage could lead to heightened scrutiny over every tardy moment and every instance of unenthusiastic engagement. The temptation to assign additional chores might arise, fueled by the belief that caregiving is inherently easy, despite knowing that neither the nanny nor I would fit the ideal of perfection.
These two critical issues—financial burden and societal perceptions of care work—are interlinked in creating a dysfunctional child care system in America. The high cost of nannies or daycare can deter parents from joining the workforce or force them to allocate a significant portion of their income to childcare. Meanwhile, caregivers often receive inadequate pay, health benefits, and retirement savings opportunities. As a national organizer for domestic workers pointed out, “There is no good situation for a nanny in retirement.”
No one benefits from a flawed system. The conclusion of the employer-nanny relationship often involves a parent seeking to help their caregiver find work, trying to mask the inherent instability of the arrangement.
Call for Structural Reforms
We need to carve out space for meaningful structural reforms, including a well-trained, well-compensated, and regulated childcare workforce that offers pathways to citizenship for those already performing these essential roles. Recognizing childcare as legitimate work, rather than simply a task women are inclined to do, is vital.
The term “incredible nanny,” with its unrealistic expectations of perfection, stands out distinctly. As I read these postings, I wonder if it’s too much to ask for someone reliable, someone who won’t face financial hardship once my family no longer needs them. Can I pursue my career without being part of an exploitative system?
That would truly be—well, genuinely great.
For more insights on this topic, check out our other blog posts here.
In conclusion, the challenges of caregiving and the societal implications of childcare reflect a broken system that requires urgent attention and actionable change.